Do you know that feeling?

I sat down to write my article as I do every week and I was immediately notified by the usual news alerts on my phone which I usually ignore. It read "Victims have been reported in a shooting at a Florida high school. Here's what we know so far". The antidote that shook me, informing of a school shooting in progress located states away. Usually, I don't keep up with the news so it doesn't have a chance to phase me but for some reason, this one headline caught me like a hook at the beginning of a good book and I had to read more and dig to figure out what was happening at that very moment.

I now sit here a week later wrapping my mind around the way I was feeling. The guilt I felt for not being able to help. I could feel the tragedy of the loved ones lost.The feelings of the children locked down in the school praying for safety, the children fleeing the school searching for their friends in every direction was overwhelming. I could feel the parents, grandparents, friends, and family of everyone involved. I knew no one from that school but right then I wanted to be there. I wanted to stand with them. I wanted to throw those blankets on the children fleeing to safety. I wanted to be that person who consoled them when all feeling of hope was lost. I wanted to reassure them we as a population would do everything in our hands to make sure everything would be okay. Isn't that how everyone should feel?

Another thought popped into my head. Why wasn't I feeling this way for the demented person whose sole intent was to go to that school and spill innocent blood? This is also how I answered my question. This was the only idea I have of the jerk. I definitely wanted to see a full psych evaluation and his mug shot front page on every single Newspaper that would touch a souls hand. Is that what he wanted? Was it for fame? Was it for vengeance? I feel torn because this guy was clearly hurting. In some way or another, this human hurt so bad that he decided it would benefit his life to take other's and I believe that was not his decision to make on that day. I am so sad for him and everyone related. For someone to be that full of hate takes a toll on you and the others that surround your life. He will forever be labeled a killer. Bold as it may be, anyone who showed generosity to him will be unkindly labeled because they failed. That's how most will see it anyways.

What could we have done differently to change this outcome? Maybe we will never get our answer to this question but what we can do is rewrite our future. I feel so much pain in our country from a lack of communication, assistance, and empathy. I am not perfect and I frequently catch myself in the wrong but a personal goal I live through every day is treat people the way they want to be treated. Treat people as equals. We are taught this as children because it is practical and proven to work. Like I said, I am far from perfect but I feel we, as a community should work harder on taking care of others. Putting in that extra effort and moving forward to take that extra step can go a long way and probably looks good on your cosmic karma scale. I'm not asking you to make a large donation to Relay For Life. All I am seeking in life is for people to look up from their phone for just enough time to hold the door open for someone who has their hands full or maybe sit with that lonely person you see over by your favorite bench. It doesn't take too much to be nice to people.

I would love to change the past. I would love to take back all the hurt the tragedies have caused and dig a deep hole and bury it. Just bury all the negative emotions we face every day. If only it were possible. We cannot change the past but we can make our future better and that begins with you. Be the person we all aspire to be and eventually we will all be some inspirtatinal people!