“How many kids do you want?”

“Do you want boys, girls, or both?”

“You’re going to be a stay-at-home mom, right?”

“You need to choose a career that will support but not take time away from your children.”

Excuse me, but I do not have children. If I do, then could you please point them out to me? Because I must have missed that little detail.

I am an eighteen-year-old girl at a Baptist university. I grew up in the church and in a pastor’s home. I was home-schooled and then I went to a Christian private high school. With these credentials, there’s no doubt I’ve heard these questions and statements throughout my life. Within the Christian community, there’s an assumption that every godly person will evidently become a parent one day. But, breaking news, children ain’t for everyone.

Don’t get me wrong; children are beautiful gifts from God that are to be trained as disciples. Families are an amazing means of glorifying the Lord. They can manifest in a variety of ways: birth, adoption, foster, legal custody, and so many more. But since when was there only one way to glorify God? God calls each individual to follow and praise Him through the gifts He’s given them. We can then use these gifts in certain areas of life. But even if two people have similar gifts, that doesn’t mean they will use them in the same ways.

For example, if two people are both incredibly gifted in wisdom, one of them may become a pastor while the other one becomes a financial advisor for a business. Both individuals are able to use their talents to glorify God. However, these two careers have very little in common. The differences in these callings do not diminish the importance of either one.

In the same way, just because two people are gifted in discipleship, doesn’t mean they both have to become a parent. One could be a stay-at-home mother or father while the other becomes a counselor for battered women. They both can dive into their callings with the goal of creating deep relationships that could lead to a discipleship. If both are used to glorify the Lord, why are individuals expected to be called to one over the other, even if only for the span of the children’s lives?

Being a parent is a full-time job. In my opinion, it’s one of the most difficult jobs. It is raising and training small, individual, sinful people into being followers of Christ. It is showing the love of the Lord every single day, even when you doubt that great love yourself. It is the shaping of our next generation. If that isn’t a calling, I don’t know what is. I applaud all those that have been called to this and fight every day to use it for God’s glory. I’m always blown away by my friends that talk so fervently about being a parent. It brings a smile to my face when they see a baby in the grocery store and immediately become giddy. I love hearing how they can’t wait to train their little humans.

But here’s the thing. I also love seeing people beam when they describe the career they’re going into. I love watching someone cry over the college course they’re taking because they can’t wait to use it in the field. I love hearing how people will use their jobs to love others as Christ loves them. If both options are to glorify the Lord, why would we assume that someone would give up their calling to pursue one that they may not feel called to? Call me a feminist. Call me a liberal. But here’s the thing. I no longer feel the need to conform to the Christian community’s close-minded viewpoints.

I am so thankful that the Christian community values the family unit so much. It’s a beautiful and Biblical thing. But I, personally, have always felt like this is something I’m expected to experience. When I tell people that don't I think I’ll be a mother, I often feel judged and am quickly told why I’m wrong or that I’ll change my mind. But here’s my question: did Paul, Peter, or the other disciples of Jesus have children? No, yet they were specifically chosen by Jesus to follow Him and make His name known throughout the world. Therefore, if Jesus’ closest followers are accepted in their lack of children, why aren’t current Christians?

When meeting with a college advisor, she told me, “this would be a great career right out of college. But what about when you have kids? How will you support them? Will you stay at home or continue to work?” I’m sorry, but why do you expect me to have this future that, apparently, is a requirement as a Christian woman? I respect others and their desires to make me aware of potential circumstances in life. However, that’s all they are: potential circumstances. My current circumstances are vastly different.

Personally, I have let myself feel guilty when people ask why I don’t feel called to have kids. For the longest time, I looked down on myself for not wanting to be a mother. I thought that wanting to faithfully and intentionally pursue others in discipleship was not right if didn’t include children. I have said, “I guess I could want kids” simply because I felt sinful for saying otherwise.

Here’s the thing. I can enjoy my little mindset of what I think God has called me to. I can pick a career, intern, apply for jobs, and plan out a path that I think God wants me on. However, no matter how real it all seems, God could call me to something completely different. I could expect to work with nonprofits and wind up pursuing a career in law. I could not feel called to children but then wind up with seven. That’s the thing; I don’t know where I will be in the future. I don’t know how I will be working to glorify God. It could very well be in a way that I currently have no interest in or inclination for. However, that’s the beauty of life; it’s a constant test of faith. Even when our view is obstructed, we can have faith in that fact God will use everything for His glory.

If you have ever felt guilty and even sinful about not wanting children, please know that you are not alone. Please know that there are other Christians that feel the same way. I have met other college students who do not feel this calling. I have met women who had no desire for children until they had their own. But the Lord is faithful in both His giving and denying of callings. If you have ever been frustrated with your lack of passion for having children, I offer you this: desiring to be in a different stage of life can be a distraction from the current one. Without the burning desire to be a parent, you can be more engaged and fruitful in your current state. Constantly wanting to be somewhere you’re not can make you ungrateful for the ministry currently before you.

I feel no shame in saying that, right now, I have no desire to have children. I feel no guilt in being fully engaged in the present ministries and opportunities God has given me. If God does call me to be a mother later in life, then praise be to God. I pray that He uses it for His glory. If God does not call me to be a mother, then praise Him. I also pray that He will use it for His glory. No matter my circumstances, I choose to pursue Him with everything I have. I choose to glorify Him through the blessings He’s given me. And you know what? That’s one of the most beautiful, freeing, and empowering things I could ever experience.