Identity. What is it? How do you define it? Identity can mean many different things to many different people. I have always struggled with trying to figure out where I fit in the world of labels. Am I defined by where I was born or the culture I was raised in? What happens when your birthplace and culture do not sync harmoniously into a nice little label? Looking at just the facts: I am an American Citizen and my parents were born in Pakistan. So what does that make me? Now this question has gotten harder to answer as I grew older. I like to say that I am a Pakistani American, but what is that supposed to mean. If I were to break it apart and compare my ethnicity (Pakistani) and my nationality (American) neither one by itself seems to encompass who I am as a person. That's the problem that arises by forcing people to identify as a specific race or ethnicity is that it is just not that simple. I would not be who I am today without the influences of Pakistani culture and my American surroundings. But neither place feels like I completely belong.

I don't seem to fit in here in America despite the fact that I was born in Florida and have lived here for the majority of my life (minus the few months I lived in Canada). I speak the language and am involved in the culture, but there is one thing that prevents me from being an "American"- my skin color. I was not always aware that I was any different than the people around me, because children are not concerned about skin color or the fact that we do not all look alike. However, I quickly learned that society did not classify me as an American, so I looked towards my culture and ethnicity to find who I am.

I have to been to Pakistan 4 times in my life since most of my dad's family still lives in Pakistan. On one trip, in particular, I was about 8 years old. Urdu (the main language of Pakistan) was my first language as a child and I have been able to speak it fluently as long as I have been able to speak English. I remember walking out into the streets with my grandma to the little shop at the end of the street. I was wearing traditional Pakistani clothing and speaking the traditional language. I looked like any other 8-year-old Pakistani girl, or so I thought. We walked to the store and the owner greeted my grandma, took one look at me, and made a decision. He said to my grandma, in Urdu, "She isn't from here is she, she's a foreigner right?" To this day I still wonder what was it that gave it away. In an instant, I was distanced from the culture that felt so close to me, the culture that I grew up with, the culture that made me unique.

Instances like this made me realize that I am neither truly Pakistani or truly American. But I am also glad that I can say that I am Pakistani and American and whatever else I choose to define myself as. Because at the end of the day, we should define ourselves and not let others tell you who you should be. Defining people by race oversimplifies what is a complex combination of values and origins. So my identity does not need to be defined by a couple of words, because identity is something that grows with us.