Usually, when I use one of my poems in an article, I give an interpretation of it beforehand to help set the tone. However, this week, I feel like this poem could mean so many different things to different people. I hope this reaches someone who is in need of it.

The Color of Forgiveness

I have been told that I can find beauty in the darkest of places. It does not matter how broken or abandoned they may appear to other people. It does not matter that people look at me like I’m crazy for admiring weeds that are sprouting up through sidewalk cracks even though they know they may seem out of place. I have been told that I can find beauty in the darkest of places, because I see things differently than most people around me.

For this reason, I have become convinced seeing things differently can apply in all aspects of life. For example, I am fully convinced that everyone perceives colors differently. So, when someone tells you that the color you have only ever known as green is actually purple, it’s kind of like going back and repainting the walls of all the childhood memories in your mind. It’s like walking through the rain with an umbrella covered with holes. It’s telling someone that their heart isn’t broken, even though you can see that their heart is a tapestry that has worn thin. Telling someone that their green is actually purple is like telling them their pain isn’t actually pain at all.

I have a hard time trusting my emotions. Most of the time, they only make sense to me in dreams. My head and my heart are often attached to arrows shot by archers in two different directions, and I end up fighting to keep them both intact. When my emotions are knots that I cannot bring myself to understand, I do my best to blend in with my surroundings. I imagine my skin changing colors every time my heart becomes restless from sitting in one emotion too long. Sadness is shaded in with charcoal grey. Relief is the color of water being released from clouds. Being hurt by someone you love is the most delicate shade of blue, a shade that I did not always know existed.

I sleep with my television on, because the quiet mixed with the darkness tends to freak me out. In the mornings, it’s usually louder than I remember from the night before. I woke up once to a channel I try to stay away from. A news reporter was telling the story of a man who walked into an Amish school house where he proceeded to shoot 10 girls and then himself. This is not what surprised me. A few days later, I woke up to another story about the Amish community that had been affected by the shooting. That day, the news reporter talked about how the parents of the 10 girls did not curse the shooter’s name. Instead, they prayed for him. They held his wife and child as they grieved. Carried his body in a casket made from their own skill to its resting place.

For them, forgiveness is not just a word that dangles in the air between one who has been wronged and the one who has wronged them. Forgiveness is a heavy walk that will only get lighter with time. But to me, forgiveness is red. Because red is the color of both pain and love, and forgiveness will both hurt and heal you, so why not just see it that way? Red is the person who caused life to leave you bleeding and bruised. Red is all the words you’ve said that you did not mean, or did. Red is willingly giving away what has already been taken from you. Red is forgiveness. Red is love. They are the same thing. They do not live separate lives. They are attached.

All of this is to say that maybe love is an allowance to make mistakes. Maybe forgiveness is an invitation to come back even when you have lost sight of the shore. Love and forgiveness are the attic that shelters you from the storm. They will openly welcome you in from the rain. They will understand your tears. Trust that everything you gave away to get here was worth it.

Off in the distance, the sun is setting. I cannot tell you where yellow kisses red, but it’s happening. You probably won't agree with me. I know this and that’s OK. I understand that my red and your red are not one in the same. But that sunset is real, and it is known by no other name, so just stop for a minute and take it in. Isn’t it beautiful? Isn’t it the biggest red you have ever seen