She brings everyone down, and no one wants to listen to her problems because she just wants the attention. When she says she has "trust issues," everyone thinks she's being dramatic. If she cries, it's only because she's had too much to drink. When she says she's fine, everyone believes she's fine.
But, she's not fine, and that's okay.
I've never been an open person. I do have trust issues, and I don't like dumping my problems on other people. I used to think that no one would want to listen to me, no one would care, so I never said anything. I'd let every negative emotion I had, eat me alive. It ruined friendships and relationships, my self-esteem and my everyday life. I had a pretty good cover of a smile going for awhile, but not everyone fell for it.
When I finally had someone who cared enough, I still didn't talk. I'd talk my way around things. I'd find ways to avoid the main topic and talk about smaller things. I never fully opened up to anyone. As Peyton Sawyer says in "One Tree Hill," that people always leave. I believe this...or used to believe this.
I thought that everyone in my life would eventually leave and happiness was only temporary. I didn't think telling anyone my problems would benefit them, so I kept them to myself. Over the years, I've realized this isn't true. I know that people only leave because you don't let them in, not because you let them in too much.
But if this is the case, then why do we get shamed for opening up too much?
Everyone shames everyone for not always having a smile on their face. If someone has a depressing tweet, it's joked about or said to be "overdramatic." Since when did it become okay to hurt others who are already hurting?
You can be sad.
You can write depressing tweets.
It's okay to not feel okay. It's okay to open up to people. If they shame you for opening up, you don't need them.
It's okay to realize who you can and can't talk to. It's okay to not trust everyone.
And to everyone who gets frustrated at those who won't open up, don't let them go. Listen to them, even if they aren't talking. Let them feel comfortable around you. Hold them, comfort them, make them feel safe with you. It may not come easy to them, and they may not even tell you why, but you have to understand that is who they are. Just know, we want to open up, we're just waiting for the right time.
This can be scary and emotional and quite impossible. So, next time you think to judge someone for being sad or expressing their feelings in some way, take into consideration how hard that probably was for the person to do.
Don't judge, just listen.
