"As you reflect on the service immersion trip to Oahu, HI from May 29-June 5, 2016, please complete this post-trip reflection. We ask that you complete two of the options listed below. Each option should be a minimum of 500 words (there should be a minimum of 1,000 words total submitted)."

Option 1:

What was the most significant thing that you learned through this experience? What led to this learning (service, conversations, new environment, etc.)? Explain thoroughly.

There are many significant items I have learned through this experience that I will hold onto forever. However, being on this trip with such amazing members and mentors, made me realize that I should have more self-confidence than I did in the past. Battling a chemical imbalance in my brain, which includes mania, bipolar disorder, depression, and ADHD, is often a very hard thing for me to do. I am in a constant battle with myself and the insecurities that I have had for many years now. This trip and experience truly changed my view on this and made me realize that I am extremely hard on myself and that is something that I need to let go of. When you ask, “What lead to this learning?”, my answer would have to be seeing the impact we made in the Oahu, Hawaii and realizing that I was a part of it all.

I had grown so much in that week we were there, especially in the sense of I am confident when I say I am in control of my life, the people who are in it and everything in between. With this being said, I want to take part in everyday actions that stray away from me thinking about insecurities or negative thoughts. I will always surround myself with people who love and support me for who I am as a person and are always trying to lift my spirits up rather than down.

This experience also taught me to be confident in my true self because Michelle is someone who is energetic, always wanting to meet new people and hear their stories, being positive, healthy, strong, loving, caring, there with support or advice when someone needs it most and that is a great person to be if you ask me.

Looking back through my participant guide, there are many important items that I wrote down in order to always look back to in times where being confident in myself may be hard due to whatever may be going on in my life at the time. I will always remember the patterns I see in times where I am most confident versus times where I am least confident. In times where I am most confident, I am in control of the actions and decisions I am making in my life, especially with my health and making sure I am on my medications. I also surround myself with uplifting people. Through this, I am often doing what I love and where my passion in- resulting in achievements in my life that I am proud of every day.

In times where I am least confident, I am often following a certain crowd and just going through the motions in life. I am always comparing myself with others instead of being proud and confident in who I am and who I was set out to be in life.

I am always letting other people’s negative judgments and actions get to me instead of blocking them out of my mind and thinking of all the positive things there is about me. In relation to both of these patterns, I realized that when I am most confident, I am in control of my health and responsible with my health. I am also not letting other people influence the decisions and actions my heart and gut want me to make.

Lastly, when I am most confident it is because someone else sees more in me that I do myself- this statement relates to this entire service immersion experience. From the application process, the interviewing process, the selecting process, the day to day conversations we had, the memories we shared, the service we did on each site, each member of the team saw someone in me as a leader that I do not always recognize or give myself more credit for. I also realized that my strength plays a huge role in where my confidence level is at. The stronger I am both mentally and physically, the more confident I am in the person I want to be every day.

In times where I am least confident and often hitting a low point with my depression, I feel no self-worth because I let certain things affect me deeply that I should not even let into my mind. For example, other people’s judgments about my condition and who I am as a person.

Through this trip, I realized that everyone is fighting a battle in life every day. However, the way you respond to that battle, how you let it affect you, how you choose to fight it- that's the where and how your level of confidence is built. From here on out, I will work hard every day to make sure my confidence level is where I want it to be, higher than lower always.