Not to get all Taylor Swift on you, but if we ever dated…I’m about to call you out. Now that I’ve got your attention, let me clarify. I’m not going to say anything negative. This is an open letter to my ex-boyfriends, thanking them for how they helped shape the person I am today.

I haven’t been in a ton of relationships, but I consider them each to be very significant—from my first boyfriend of only a couple weeks, to the boy I consider my first love. I no longer talk to any of my exes. We all agreed to “still be friends,” but these four people are now strangers to me. Some of them I don’t miss at all. Others I wish things hadn’t ended the way they did. Yet I don’t regret dating any of these guys, because I learned valuable lessons from each experience. And I’m not bitter that they all ended, because I’m happy with who I am and who I am with now. So, here goes.

To my first boyfriend: Thank you for being innocent. We never even kissed, but holding hands was enough. Thank you for my first date. I now have a humorous story to tell. Thank you for being my friend before anything else. That doesn’t always happen.

To the boy who used me as a rebound: Thank you for teaching me that if my friends think you’re wrong for me, you probably are. Thank you for confirming that my gut instincts are almost always correct. Thank you for being my first kiss. I’ve gotten much better since then. Thank you for proving the importance of truly getting to know someone before jumping into a relationship. Unfortunately, that’s a lesson I needed to learn more than once.

To my first love: Thank you for being patient. You didn’t deserve for things to end the way they did. Thank you for being kind. I’m sorry for what happened beyond our control. Thank you for figuring things out alongside me. We both matured together. Thank you for teaching me that people change, and not always for the better. I do hope you’re happy.

To the one who moved too quickly: Thank you for reinforcing many of the above lessons. Old habits die hard. Thank you for bringing me joy, until you didn’t anymore. I have a lot of good memories, even with the not-so-great ones. Thank you for letting me be vulnerable. I hope I did the same. Thank you for helping me realize what I truly wanted. I’m sorry it wasn’t you.

To all of you: Thank you for the stories, the laughter and the tears. Thank you for the puppy love, the lust, and even the heartbreak. Thank you for making me more confident and more empowered standing on my own. Thank you for helping me grow. Thank you for teaching me that life doesn’t always go according to plan. I still believe everything happens for a reason. Thank you for bringing me to this moment and to my current relationship. He really feels like the one.