Dear Friend,

You know, I thought about what I'd say to you if I ever talked to you again. Would I be mad and sarcastic with you- or would I just be happy to talk to you again? That conversation- the one that is most likely not to happen-has crossed my mind way too many times to count.

I don't know why you cut me off, especially now, after all this shit we've been through. Especially, after you told me a thousand times that you'd stick around… and that maybe we'd be something one day. I guess it was just dumb on my part to believe that would happen. It was dumb of me to even have feelings for you, to be honest. I was just setting myself up for heartbreak when you left.

You didn't even give me a heads up that you were leaving. There was no text, no snapchat, no signs...nothing. You just cut me off out of nowhere.

Even though it hurts, maybe it's a good thing that we don't talk anymore, because you weren't good for me. That whole situation was doomed from the moment we said anything.

I don't even really care about the "what could have been", I care about the friend I lost through all of this. You were me, in male form. We did everything together. From just hanging out in my dorm and vibing to some music to late-night games of pool. We always knew what the other was thinking, so we didn't really have to say anything when we were in a situation that made us uncomfortable. We just knew. Everything was so good during that time period. I miss it so much. I wish, more than anything, that we could go back to that.

Anyway, thanks for being such a good friend during that time. I needed someone like you. I just wish things didn't have to end like this and I wish I knew why you had to go. I probably would've understood, but that doesn't matter now. None of this matters because you made your decision and I have to be okay with it. I have to move on, even though it's so so hard.

I hope you're happy and doing well.

With love,

Julia