An Open Letter To Boyfriends Of The Past

An Open Letter To Boyfriends Of The Past

The good, the evil, and everyone in between.
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Dear Ex-Boyfriends,

There are a couple of you. Although I swore you were “The One,” you weren’t. I spent my days trying to get your attention while simultaneously trying to act like I didn't know you existed. I was blindsided and treated poorly, yet at the same time I was inebriated by your affection and would do anything to make you happy. But with all this considered, I cannot do anything but say thank you.

You made me feel confident.

Because of you, I felt beautiful. I felt special, privileged, and honored. I felt proud to have you holding my hand as we walked through the crowded high school hallways in between the rows of navy blue lockers with our footsteps in sync. Your simple, subtle compliments would send me over the moon. You know that feeling you get when you walk out of the hair salon after an appointment? Well you made me feel like that every single day.

You provided me with new experiences.

You gave me my first kiss and took me on my first date. You gave me an anxiety attack when you introduced me to your parents; they were the only people I wanted to impress more than you. You made me experience butterflies for the first time, something I thought only existed in cheesy song lyrics and movies. You gave me a reason to push the limits of my curfew, as I begged my parents for an extra half hour.

You showed me how to treat a woman right (and not so right).

You held your car door open for me and were polite to my parents. You bought me dinner on our first date (It was Panera—I’m the definition of a cheap date). You showed me how it felt to be treated with respect. It wasn’t all happiness and head over heels romance, though. You made me realize it's not OK to ditch me for friends or to cancel plans last minute. You showed me that being “too cool” for me was, in fact, not an admirable trait, but rather one that should be a red flag and avoided at all costs. You made me realize what qualities I am looking for in a partner and what traits I should run from.

You taught me how to deal with heartbreak.

Boyfriend #1 broke up with me over the phone on the first day of summer vacation, and boyfriend #2 did it during lunch in the hallway of my high school. These crystal clear memories that once played like a video reel in my head will never completely leave my brain, although they have become easier to forget over time. Tears streamed down my face, and I was positive that I would never get over them no matter how many times my mother and sisters told me I would. Having friends, relatives, and coworkers ask me, “How’s the boyfriend?” and having to mumble that you had dumped me led to me feeling embarrassed, not good enough, and betrayed. Looking back on those memories now, I know that they made me stronger. You showed me that Ben & Jerry’s, family, friends, and a chick flick truly are the best heartbreak remedies.

You led me to where I am today.

If it were not for you, boyfriends of the past, I would not be where I am or who I am today. From you, I have learned things that I will never learn from sitting in a 75-minute lecture at college or writing an 8-page paper. You showed me that everything happens for a reason (cliché, I know). I have learned that I always deserve to be treated with respect. I must thank you because you led me to my incredible boyfriend of almost three years. You made me recognize my strengths and helped me realize that no one is flawless.

Don’t view ex-boyfriends as an evil ghost of your past. Sure, some of them were probably just plain jerks. But chances are most of them were, for lack of better words, really good guys. Use these experiences and these boyfriends to guide you in the present and the future. In reality, they have helped you to become the amazing person you are today, and that is pretty wonderful.

Cover Image Credit: Google Images

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For anyone who knows me well, they know how much I love my family. It’s an undeniable fact that the people I miss while I’m at school are my parents and four younger siblings. I love our phone calls, facetimes, Snapchats, and random texting conversations, but something about not actually being there kind of sucks.

Sometimes I feel like I come home after six, seven, maybe eight weeks of school and feel like I have missed out on a lifetime. There are new memories, inside jokes, friends, girlfriends, everything. The saddest thing is when I feel like things are changing and I’m not there to see them happen. A lot of the time it hits me that being nearly 800 miles away changes things between me and people at home whether I want them to or not.

My brother Jack is currently a senior in high school. As he looked into schools, he always made a big deal about how he refused to go East. It always kind of made me sad when he would say this, and I would constantly make jabs, asking why he didn’t want to go to school near me.

Hearing that he had somehow changed his mind made me ecstatic. I called him immediately and the entire phone call we talked about how far away his school is going to be from mine and how long a train/car ride would take. Due to the fact that he is going to this school for hockey, we were already planning out how I could visit for hockey games and that, once the season was over, hopefully, he could come down to Villanova.

To say that I am beyond excited to be on the same coast, same time zone, and in the same general vicinity of the world as my brother is an understatement. I can’t wait to be able to visit him, watch his hockey games, and be his number one fan in all things prep-school related.

Cover Image Credit: Kayleigh Purcell

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Living Without You Isn't Easy, But I'm Going To Make You Proud Doing It

I'm gonna live a good life.
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I thought you would be around for things my mom couldn't be here for...

But I guess I was wrong.

July 9, 2012: the first time I ever felt like my world was crashing. My mom had just passed away from a brain aneurysm. Everything was crashing right before my eyes but there you were, standing strong holding me up through it all.

From age 14 you were my rock. You took me in when I lost Mom. How lucky was I? Normally, kids went to Grandma's on the weekends, but not me. I got to spend every day with you and Papa.

But then, that all changed. December 6, 2017: I got the scariest text in the world...

"Grandma isn't okay, Emily, they are doing CPR."

Seeing that text made heart drop into my stomach and once again, I felt like my world was crashing... 30 minutes went by and finally I get news...

The phones rang... I remember not wanting to answer because I knew what my Papa was gonna say, but I answered.

The phone was silent and then I heard him crying.

"Papa, Papa what happened?" I asked stupidly

And he didn't say anything. I needed to hear it.

"She's gone isn't she?" I asked

And I could hear the pain in my Papa's voice as he said the word, "Yes." In the moment, everything seemed to not matter. I wanted to be with my mom and my grandma. I wanted to see them one more time.

But I knew I couldn't and I also knew I needed to not let myself crash.

I had to become my own rock. I didn't have my grandma to call when I needed advice. I had to do it on my own

And shit has it been hard.

But I'm doing it.

I'm gonna live a good life and make you both proud.

Cover Image Credit: Wikipedia Commons

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