Dear Papa,

Growing up I have felt a mix of emotions towards you. Now that I'm older I have a clear head of what I think of you. As a child, I was blinded by the temporary moments of happiness to realize the monster you actually were. The memories of you taking me to the mall, going to birthday parties, and taking me to church will forever be tainted because they are all associated with you.

You were in my life for roughly 13 years before you and mom divorced, and honestly I was so happy to see you leave. I didn't have to wake up in fear thinking that, that was the day you were going to hit me hard enough to leave a mark, what insult I was going to hear, or if that day would be a good one or a bad one. I could finally read in peace or do homework without having to get up every 5 minutes to get you something. I was finally free.

I made a mistake asking you back into my life a few years ago, I realized that last month. Even though I cut you out of my life for the second time a few days after my 19th birthday I can't help but to think of you. Not because I miss you, but because of the damage that you have done to me mentally.

I now realize that I can't let the memories of you, or even the actual you, hold me back anymore. I need to start putting myself first and if that means having to say goodbye to the worst person I am related to, then it has to be done. My mental and physical health need to be one of my top priorities.

I'm not going going to end this letter saying "I love you" because I cannot continue to keep telling you this lie. I'm not going to say sorry for the words I have said here and in person. I am going to say goodbye because that is something that you didn't give me the chance to do, since you were ignoring my calls and texts to avoid doing your job as a parent. I am saying goodbye to the good memories of us at the mall, watching basketball game, etc. I am saying goodbye to the bad memories of you throwing a book at my head because I was reading too much, forcing me to eat to the point where I got sick and threw up on the way to school, hitting me when I did nothing wrong, and so much more. Most importantly, I am saying goodbye to the person who I used to call my father.

Your Former Daughter,

Marie-Alice