I know I’m not alone when I say this, but, at times, I find that I am too hard on myself. As a child, life was carefree, but, as you grow older, added pressure can take over. Whether it’s living up to your parent’s standards, siblings, or even friendships, it’s a mental game that can take over parts of your life: voices in your head saying you aren’t good enough that lead to sleepless nights. Right before you try and step out of your comfort zone, you immediately worry about failure. Suddenly, you are not only worrying about yourself, but what other people think of you. Putting this added pressure on yourself can be seen through everyday activities, and, until you start to love yourself for who you are, it could lead to lifetime effects in the future.

You are the one people describe as “the mom of the group:” hardworking, caring and loyal. Within each friend group, there will always be one person that will fit into this category. You are the kind of girl that will put others before yourself. No matter what time of day it is, you are the one that will drop what you’re doing to help another friend. Although a great characteristic of a friend, you think about others before yourself. You love seeing joy in making other people happy, but often forget thinking about yourself in certain situations. When it comes to emotions, you are always there comforting another friend, but you hate crying in front of people because you see it as a sign of weakness. You hate the feeling of being vulnerable; instead, you tend to bottle emotions up inside. By doing this, you mask what people on the outside really see.

You have a hard time admitting to this, but you’re insecure. Whether it’s the way you look, how you dress, or even the way your laugh sounds, you tend to hide your insecurites from others. Criticizing yourself is a daily occurrence. You are the type of girl that feels the need to dress like the other girls in fear of being out of place. You are the one that is constantly obsessing over her weight because you don’t feel beautiful enough. You are the girl that is always standing in the mirror, never feeling satisfied with the way she looks. When you are with your friends, you tend to stand in the back of the group, afraid to be center of attention. You have plans of traveling to new places, a desire to experience new cultures, and meet new people. Once you have those goals in your head, they quickly disappear because of the little voice in the back of your head saying you can’t do that.

Over the years, you have set a high standard for yourself, and you hate the feeling of failure. You have felt that you not only let yourself down, but others as well. Whether it’s with academics, sports, or whatever else, you tend to focus on what you did wrong rather than how you can improve. Failure is not an option for you. When it comes to criticism from another person, you take their advice as a form of failure. You absolutely hate the feeling that you did something wrong, which is when you feel insecure and vulnerable. You hate the feeling of asking for help. We have this expectation in life that we have to be perfect. In your eyes, enough is never enough.

Now, I’m not telling you how to live your life. I am still struggling with this myself. What I am saying is that it will take time. Keep being loyal to your friends, but also take care of yourself when needed. Eventually it will be easier going to them for advice. It is now your time to focus on yourself to live a better life. Instead of hiding your securities, embrace them! You will see a big difference when you start to be more confident in yourself. The people around you will start to see a change as well. In terms of failure, see it as an opportunity to improve. You have to fail in life order to move forward and succeed.

A young popstar once told me, “Nobody’s Perfect.”

So, what are you waiting for? Start living the life you should have been living years ago.