To The Best Friend I Could Not Keep,

I always imagined that you would be a part of my life for a very long time. Of course I knew that with time and distance we would eventually grow apart, but I always thought that every once in a blue moon, we would call each other up just to say hello and catch up on the details of each other's everyday lives. I never imagined our friendship would actually come to an end one day.

You were the best friend I ever had. I could spend forever with you, and it would feel like it had only been five minutes. You could make me laugh more than anyone I had ever met, and you were there for me when I cried like no one else was. I could never say anything bad about you, because you were always such a great friend to me, and I wish I could feel like I had done the same for you.

I hate to say it, but I am still mad. I am mad that I have to be the one who was not ready to let go. I am mad that you had time to prepare for this, while I feel completely blindsided. But mostly, I am mad because no matter what, I would still take you back even though it feels like you want nothing to do me. I deserve to spend my time and energy on people who are still present in my life, and yet I still spend half the night reliving our entire friendship and making a list of all the things that I did wrong. I sit, and I wonder which one of those things was the one that pushed you so much over the edge, that it made you think differently about me.

They say that being angry is the second to last step of the grieving process. I lost my best friend, and I miss the crap out of you. But there's nothing I can do about it, and I'm hoping I'm on my way to acceptance. If everything truly happens for a reason, then this was meant to be. And I'm sorry that I haven't been able find my peace yet.

Always,

Me