Dear Spring,
Can I even call you 'Spring?' At 20 mph winds, 40 degree weather and dress-less days, you're anything but. You know that getting your face whipped by the brisk winds actually hurts, right? We New Yorkers thought we had overcome that by March. You think that you're doing us a cosmetic favor by turning our faces shades of red and pink from your whippings. Trust me, if we wanted rosy cheeks we'd just run to Sephora and grab some blush. I see you've also taken up a splendid new hobby of ruining hairstyles. For your information, I didn't wake up extra early to straighten my hair for it to be bullied into a ponytail.
We should be enjoying sweater weather by now, but it's more like, get-out-your-north-face weather. Seriously, when will we have the luxury of comfortably walking out of our houses in sweatshirts, no jacket in hand? Please don't make us invest in ski jackets, too. We've already spent enough money on college expenses.
But while we're on the topic of apparel, pretty skirts and dresses have seldom left the dusty hangers in closets. I'm gingerly eyeing my skater dress from Forever21 with palm tree print all over it as we speak. Stocking up on the cutest spring trends for skirts and dresses a month in advanced now seems like a wasted effort. Sure, if we like we could probably throw warmth and comfort to your unforgiving wind and pull on a dress, stockings and hobble through the day with goosebumps and chattering teeth, but we're not about that life.
Let's not forget about the dudes who prefer shorts over long pants. They're probably well-stocked in that department. Which reminds me, do you even know how tiny dorm closets are? We have spring clothing taking up like three-quarters of our space because we all thought we'd seen the end of snowy roofs and brisk air by spring break.
We'd all love to--for a nice change--be able to get out of bed without longing to stay under the warmth of our blankets, because it's cold af. It'd just be way easier to jump out of bed in the morning if it were warmer. But for whatever reason, our frenemy, winter, has decided to punish us for just a little longer.
If you won't do it for us, at least do it for the cute, little chipmunks and bunnies of Long Island. They love seeing irritated college students just as much as we love seeing them. But since you seem to be on a delayed flight to the northeast, these little guys think twice before rearing their adorable little heads out of the ground. Thanks a lot.
It's high time you've gotten your act together. We want to see the blissful, warm-weathered, sunshiny spring we've been dreaming about since Thanksgiving.
Sincerely,
New Yorkers everywhere who are tired of your nonsense.
