Nothing beats taking a slow stroll down the beach. There's nothing like looking out on the waves and enjoying the breeze. Priceless. Too bad it’s February in Wisconsin. So I’m going to help you to pick up the pace.
Slow walkers are the bane of my existence. There are very few occasions when I enjoy slowly strolling, so you can imagine how I feel when I am stuck with or behind slow walkers. It can happen anywhere: on campus, at the airport, in a mall, and especially downtown in a big city. So here is my letter to you, you slow walker. Obviously I understand some people physically can't walk fast, so this letter is written for you slow walkers who just choose to walk like a sloth.
Move. Please. Pick it up. I know that for some godforsaken reason you think it is OK for you to slowly walk down the street, friends on either side, taking up the sidewalk, but it's not. Please, pick a side and let me move by. You - yes, you - tourist looking into every window, in every store walking down the street, can you gawk a little slower? It is called a sidewalk. Keyword there: walk. Please, just go inside and look at that ugly sweater up close.
As I said, it's February up here in Wisconsin, so as you could guess, it's cold and snowy. Of course I enjoy the snow, for the first five minutes it falls, but good for you, just stand there and take your pictures of it right in the middle of the sidewalk. You might end up falling with the snow. Also, it's cold, and I don’t want to be outside. It was a miracle I made it to class today. So please, can you just move a little faster?
You, yes, I am speaking to you, stop texting and walking! You are a hazard to all the people around you, and not to mention, you are slower than molasses. Now, in my opinion, the most annoying thing of all, if you are on an escalator, don’t just plant yourself down in the middle, and put your hands on both rails. Sorry you want to act out your little Elf escalator scene, but I have places to be. Stand on the right or walk on the left. It's not that hard. If you, for some reason, feel I am asking a lot from you, I have a very simple suggestion. Just slide over, and let me by. It is not that hard. I am sorry you don’t have a place to be, but I do. If people are scooting around you, and accelerating away, you should probably just move over and let them by. Find a path in the woods, and walk as slow as you would like. Just get out of my way.
