Dear "Heartbreaker",
Maybe you're a cheater. Maybe you're a liar. Maybe you're just afraid of commitment. Maybe you really enjoy playing games. Maybe you just don't really know what you want.
PSA: Being a heartbreaker, a womanizer, or whatever else, it's not cool. Maybe it was “cool" in the Bieber era, but thank goodness, that time has passed. Don't be stuck in the ideals of this cheating, lying, scandalous relationship era. Be above that. Be so above that.
Maybe you're a cheater.
It's not cool to text multiple girls (or boys) the same flirty messages at one time. Of course, get to know someone, but don't fill their minds with the same crap that you say to everyone else. Don't make them feel special, especially when the “meaningful" texts are as simple as copy and paste. If you sincerely get to know someone and you don't feel it then, it's okay to let them go. Don't keep them waiting around weeks or months at a time for you to finally show interest. It's 110% better to end things, than to keep stringing people along with false promises. If you truly love someone, you aren't going to do that to them. You aren't going to make them feel lesser or unworthy or unloved. Don't be someone who thinks cheating is completely normal. Someone once told me, “Every girl ever gets cheated on in high school." Um, excuse me, not real sure where this statistic came from, but it's not acceptable. Cheating is called being lazy. Cheating is called not having integrity. Cheating is called trying to fit into society's stereotypes of cool guy = multiple women. Change these stereotypes. You don't have to be a part of this. You can be a person who is honest, trustworthy, and committed in a relationship.
Maybe you're a liar.
Be honest about your mistakes. Own up to what you've done. If you confess what happened, nine times out of ten, forgiveness and patience can restore that relationship. However, don't keep making the same mistake over and over and over again, and then still lie about it. C'mon. I might look like a fool for believing you again and again. But you, you look like more of a fool for lying again and again. Tell the truth. Sure it's hard, but in the long run, you're gonna save yourself and someone else.
Maybe you're afraid of commitment and making plans.
Okay. Who isn't at least a little afraid of committing? I think deep down, we all get a little nervous when thinking long-term stuff. It's perfectly normal and natural to feel this way. Here's a little tip: You don't know what's going to happen. You don't know what will happen tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, or a year from now. Commitment? That comes with a relationship. It doesn't mean “I commit to marry you," or “I'm committing to spend the rest of my life with you and have children with you." EW, NO PEOPLE. Commitment simply means not getting around the whole block while you're with someone else. Commitment says, “Out of respect for you, I'm willing to be with you and you only. Then, if it doesn't work out, that's okay too." Don't make plans. Plans get ruined. You don't have to think about forever when you've been dating for two months. You don't have to start picking out the flavor of wedding cake, what song you're gonna dance to first, or what the name of your first born will be. Make plans to go to the movies tomorrow. Make dinner reservations for next weekend. But don't think ahead too much, you never know where life is gonna take you in the blink of an eye.
Maybe you enjoy playing games.
Here's the issue with playing games in relationships: someone always loses. It could be one person, or it could be both. Playing games, saying things you don't mean, or leading people on… they aren't jokes. “Jokes" are supposed to be “Knock-knock!" and “Who's there?" not “I love you?" and “It's not you, it's me." It's not fun to make someone cry or make someone think they're special. Who wants to do that to someone? No. Have a little respect for the people in your life, and if you're gonna play your stupid little games with them, you definitely don't deserve to be in theirs.
Maybe you don't know what you want.
And that's perfectly okay. If you don't know what you want, I must give one piece of advice. Find yourself first. In order for you to be completely happy with someone else, you must be happy with yourself first. Never make someone else such a priority that they are your only source of happiness and joy. Find those things within yourself. Truly get to know yourself. Spend time with yourself before you bring someone else into the picture. You are a whole person by yourself! You don't have to know what you want at all times, it's so okay to be confused or conflicted. Maybe that's just God's way of saying “Wait for my plan."
You don't always have to be the heartbreaker, you know? Learn to be a man or woman that is respectable. That can be trusted. That can be mature in his or her relationships. It may take time to get over your petty heartbreaker stage, but you can do it! Just don't be that person. Don't be the person who constantly hurts others to make yourself feel better. Don't be the person who gets others involved in the mess of lies, doubts, and games. Don't be a heartbreaker. Be a heartfixer. Don't be the guy or girl who ruins someone's outlook on love. Don't be the person who makes someone afraid to love. Be the person who cares. Be the person who changes society's new perception of relationships. Show love, grace, and respect, just as you have been shown the same.
