Dear Grandma,
As we both know, you didn't live to see me graduate high school, open my college acceptance letters, or hear about where I committed my next four years—and I so badly wish you could have been.
From what your friends have told me though, you secretly wanted me to go here all along, which makes me think that my choosing of a university was by no accident.
As much as my mind has mulled over the events of last year, I still can’t get myself to justify why you were taken from me so soon, so unexpectedly, and although I believe everything happens for a reason (because that’s what you had always taught me), I have no answer for this one.
What I do have is a choice: to sulk over what is here no longer, or to fondly reminisce about what once was. You would want me to choose the latter.
Not a day has gone by where you’ve not been on my mind, and even the littlest of things remind me of you and all the memories we share.
Even though you're not on this earth, you always surround me: I wear your necklace nearly everyday, I taped your postcards to my closet door and I have a picture of us framed and on my desk.
You’ve undeniably made me the person I am today, and Grandma, what I’m trying to say is I hope I’m making you proud. I hope that you look down on me with joy and pride from where you are, because I want nothing more than to be the granddaughter you still brag about.
I know that I make mistakes, and I know that at some points I may not be the best I can be, but I hope you understand that I’m learning. I’m learning a lot about who I am and most importantly how I can get to where I strive to be.
I recognize, also, that I’m changing and at first I felt guilty for it: I was worried that you may not recognize me when we see each other again. Now I know is what you would want of me: to not stay in that place where I was before you had gone but to mature and blossom.
As a kid, I always knew that I was your world, but now looking retrospectively, I can say that you also were mine.
Writing this letter to you tore the bandage off yet again, allowing for the flood of melancholy emotions and longing to take precedence, however what this also has done is bring me the closure I hadn't realized I needed—yet another step in the growing process.
I will love you always and forever miss you, but until we meet again, I hope that I can make you proud in all I do, college and beyond. Just know that amongst other things, I do it all for you.
Rest peacefully.
