We are stupid. We do stupid things. That is called being a human. One mistake that I and many of my fellow ladies frequently make is meaningless sex, or at least sex that means nothing to the person on the other end. From personal experience, I don’t know what it’s like to have a boyfriend, I’ve only been on one date in my life and it turned out to be just a pregame for sex, and I have never felt loved, wanted, or appreciated. What I failed to understand (and sometimes still have a lapse in understanding) is that this doesn’t make me a worthless placeholder or a whore or an undatable ogre. That just makes me a girl with no self control who lets people in and accepts any kind of affection as interest.

Ladies, I need you to know one thing: we’re not perfect. None of us are and none of us ever will be. You know what else, though? Men are idiots. They’re stupid enough to the point where they’ll lie and they’ll make you feel like crap, but one day one of them will look at a girl, maybe you, and say “damn, she is perfect” and they’ll finally mean it. That’s where things get frustrating. The waiting games, the occasional (or not-so-occasional) having to pretend to love yourself more than you’d ever love a man just to get by on those rainy days when you’re in an extreme cuddling mood. Men frequently make us feel like we’re not worth anything and that we need to give ourselves over to them for whatever they want simply because we have lowered our expectations to fit into our current need for affection.

What we need to do is change the criteria by which we judge ourselves. This is easier said than done, but let’s make a solid effort. Don’t judge yourself by what a man says or implies in his actions. I am not a worthless placeholder just because more than one man made me feel like one. I am better than that. If they don’t like you, great! Let them give all of their hearts to someone else that they want to treat like a queen. Go live your life and just passively wait until someone like that comes around for you because I guarantee it’ll be so much better than looking. I have trouble with liking every guy who looks at me or says something even remotely kind, and if you have the same troubles, let’s work on it. Men are not worth this constant beating down of ourselves. They play games, they think with their southern regions, they use us for our bodies, and I hate to say it, but that’s just how they are. They’re never going to change, so we have to be the ones to change.

Start saying no. I know it’s hard sometimes (or all the time), but it shows that you have some degree of self-respect and you don’t plan on taking their crap now or ever. If they stay around, they have passed the easiest test. You are worth much more than a romp in the hay on the first date, and you have nothing to prove to this guy, nothing at all. Now, it is important that I stress that you should do what you want. If what he wants is also what you want, by all means, go for it and own it! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that if you’re able to handle it. If you’re anything like me, you’ll think you can handle it and then one term of endearment and you’re down for the count.

There is nothing in this world that hurts more than loss. When you realize that someone never really wanted you, you feel as though you lost them, but you need to know that you never had them. It sounds harsh, but sometimes, things just don’t work out the way you want them to. Everything happens for a reason and you should just take it in stride. That being said, you deserve someone who does want you; someone who wants to talk to you and spend time with you instead of just plowing you for four hours and leaving you. When they tell you they can’t see (or use) you anymore, don’t be offended. They were never yours, so you should go be you until someone works to become yours.

Let someone sweep you off your feet. This sounds completely ridiculous, I know. The problem with how we think is that we think with a settling mindset. We think we do not deserve or cannot get this dream man that we’ve all conjured up in our minds since we were kids, but in reality, there’s someone out there somewhere that will look at you like you are a goddess. Do not look for this person, but let them come to you. You are a beautiful work of art and you are not allowed to let anyone make you think otherwise. Someone will come, and when they do, it’ll be the best damn feeling in the world.