Hey, buddy. I hope you know that I'm not mad at you.

I’ve got to say, it really bugs me when people say that suicide is selfish. I mean, I get why people would say that. They think that it’s selfish to “take the easy way out” and leave all of your family and friends to grieve. I get it. But does that mean that a person who’s in pain should endure all of that pain, while progressively getting worse and worse, for the sake of everyone else?

And yeah, you could say that they could just get help. You could say that they just need to keep fighting. But believe me, that is way easier said than done.

When you’re depressed, you honestly don’t see those other options. You don’t think about the long term; you’re just stuck thinking about the pain you’re feeling in the present. And of course, part of getting better is wanting to get better. But sometimes, depressed people are so used to being depressed that they don’t even want to get better. I guess that doesn’t sound like it makes much sense, but if you’ve lived it, I think you’d know. It depends on the person, of course. But for me, I was certainly stuck in that spot for a while.

But whether people think it's selfish or not, that doesn't change the fact that I’m not mad at you. You did what you felt you needed to do.

I’m not mad at you because you gave me so much in the short amount of time we spent together. You gave me new music, new TV shows, new movies, and even new friends. You gave me new experiences. But you gave me so much more than that.

You also gave me advice. You gave me confidence. You gave me strength when I was at my weakest. You taught me how to laugh at myself. You taught me how to be more open about my feelings. And you also taught me to give all of those great things back to others.

Through you, I learned how to help other people. You set such a great example for me. I wanted to be as compassionate, as funny, as smart, and as thoughtful as you. You gave me so many laughs, and you made me want to share those same jokes with other people for more laughs. The memories we made together turned into great stories. I told everyone about you, and because of the stories and jokes and music and movies that I gained from you, I was able to form even more connections with other people.

You’re not selfish. You were the most selfless person I knew. You would go out to eat at a place that serves pizza even though you hate pizza, just because you knew everyone else wanted it. It’s a silly example but you get the point.

You gave me the friendship of a lifetime. And I truly think that you gave me so much that you’ve become a permanent part of me.

I’m content with knowing that you felt the love that I had for you. I just hope you knew how much you changed me for the better.

You made me, me. And I thank you for that.

Getting to know you was truly a privilege.

I miss you and I love you.

Dedicated to my best friend Elliott Glasgow.