I don't want to call you a bully. I'm going to call you a hyper-critical friend that I should've left in high school. You were someone who wasn't there for my highs but was definitely there to worsen the blow of my lows. While you may not realize the damage you did, I will never forget the judgment fueling your eyes or vocalized in your words.

So what you didn't go to college or you didn't last, you're still stuck in high school and that's totally okay. I support your efforts even if you have a little ways to go, so why can't you be happy for me?

I thought you were comfortable with who you were, comfortable with who I am, but your nasty words never let up, your judgment never stopped even after that diploma was in your hands.

That problem called insecurity kept appearing in both of our lives. It happened as soon as we reunited. I don't know whether your insecurity or mine was larger, but your words definitely dug deeper than mine ever could do to you.

I could blame my tears on the hateful words you spew at me or the judgment you throw my way, but really, it's not that that bothers me.

What bothers me is the fact that you still have this power over me. The power of self-doubt. The power of self-scrutiny that I cannot fulfill because I will never live up to your standard for me. I will never be the friend you want me to be. I'm just not wired that way.

You want someone who will not challenge your ideas. You want someone who will agree with you and the fact that I don't live by your standards enrages you.

So as hard as this is to say, I'm done. I'm cutting you off. I'm done living in doubt of whether or not you will approve of my choices or invite me to the next party. I'm done living up to your standard. I'm taking charge of my own life.

I will not let you have to power to hurt me or make me weak. I will be me and I will enjoy being the me that I’ve constructed over the past years and I will be the me that hears what you say but doesn’t listen.

I will grab the tissues and move on. Because this self-doubt and constant questioning my place with you as your friend is not worth it.

So instead of being petty and roasting you on all of your flaws, I will stick to my new favorite P word; Positivity. I’ll take your harsh words and use them as momentum for me to keep going and be stronger. I’ll use my strength to be strong for myself, not for you because you’re the friend I should’ve left in high school. And while many people may make a new year, new me resolution, I will stick to mine.

Sincerely,

A Stronger Friend