An Open Letter To The Easter Bunny
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

An Open Letter To The Easter Bunny

Just looking for some goodies in my basket this Easter.

129
An Open Letter To The Easter Bunny
Pinterest

It’s that special time of year again when we worship a bunny that has something to do with Jesus Christ and lays eggs in his free time. People might gather with friends and family, attend mass, or fertilize some eggs—we love our eggs here in America!

Dear Lil Bunny aka Lil Rabbi’, for this year’s egg hunt, please read my listicle and provide the following by Sunday at midnight:

An Actual Bunny

I’m sorry. Did you say it’s an Easter Egg Hunt? Where’s my egg-laying bunny? I demand a real prize in this inflated economy where I can’t actually purchase anything with the 15 cents you put in my plastic oval egg you got from Party City. I don’t ask for any specifications except that it is plump and alive. He doesn’t even have to know that he’s being exploited by another human being who only wants to possess it and use it for emotional dependencies.

A Loan Benefactor

I don’t care if its check or card or in the form of a sugar daddy, but I’m broke and I need help to pay off $30k in college loans. Preferably in a below-average amount of time—maybe 30-40 years—would be ideal!

Motivation

Dear Easter Bunny, I’m not asking for much—just a little push to get me out of bed! As the end of the semester is nigh, my energy is depleting faster than Trump’s cabinet. Screw therapy or exercise or some healthy communication with my peers, I want to give a crap and I want it now!

True Friends

Instead of having to do the work of making direct eye contact and getting to know their favorite type of pillow, Easter Bunny can just figure it all out for me. I’m not picky about friends—just have them be talented/funny/ambitious/adventurous/silly/smart/loyal/cultured/honest/good height/fair shoe size/in close proximity/have normal sized ear lobes. So basically everything I aspire to be.

The Heads Of My Enemies

In this way, I will be able to make sure that conspirators can’t ruin my life any longer. Their decapitated heads (incapacitated by a licensed beheading professional) will give me the reassurance I need to continue on in my path to love and happiness. I intend to hang (ha ha) their stuffed heads over my burning fireplace. First off, I must make some enemies!

A Decent Credit Score

I don’t own a credit card. I don’t even know what a credit score really is, except that you can buy a house maybe one day after you die. It may just be an exclusive sports game where you gain credit instead of goals—who knows, who cares! Nevertheless, I’ve read a lot of blinking, colorful ads on the internet that tell me I need a good credit score. I think out of all the bunnies, the Easter one has to be the most financially literate—look how many eggs he has! He’s the top 1% of domestic animals. He probably works at a credit card company and drinks religiously from the office Keurig! I'd trust that guy with my life savings.

An End To Deforestation

Hey Easter Bunny, you should stop global warming, because if not, you will most likely die! It is estimated that in 100 years there will be no more rainforests, which provide vital resources such as medicines and do things like ABSORB C02. It would be beneficial if the planet's inhabitants stopped cutting down its finite life source and killing our animals in the process.

Chocolate

I thought I’d throw something normal in the basket to give you options.

Sincerely,

Emma Estrada,

a very disgruntled Easter participant.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

85862
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

180416
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments