Before I met you, I thought I could discern bad from good. Every movie and tv show I watched along with every book or play I read- really anything with a story-has a protagonist and an antagonist. Life is like that too to an extent. The only difference in life, is that we often can't tell who are the villains and who are the heroes of our personal stories until its much too late. Lots of times these bullies, as I like to call them, are disguised behind well-liked personalities and kind smiles. They make you want to be included in their life, and they know exactly what you want to hear. Thats why life can be a little trickier than the movies.

And then I met you.

I was naive, and like so many others, I let, you, a bully into my life. However, unlike most those who fell victim to teasing and ridicule, I let you into my life willingly, as a friend. Its a funny dynamic when I let you into my life, because you're a very special breed; you were pretty intoxicating. When I was around you I felt exclusive, like I was something special just by association. Not only that, but you seemed lovable and fun. From the very beginning I was hooked, and that can be dangerous.

Because of the person I am, I want to believe everyone's story is special and that all people are inherently good. So when I found out through the grapevine that you were bullied in middle school, it made your personality even more lovable. I felt bad, I thought you were vulnerable, so I remained fooled. I figured that any little quirks you had could be chalked up to a rough and awkward middle school career, and I refused to acknowledge the red flags that started popping up.

As time went by, you started talking negatively about people I thought were our friends. I figured that most people do gossip a little bit and I shook it off. Then I watched you make little comments about people's insecurities, along with the occasional snide remark and sideways glance, but moved on thinking that you didn't realize what you said was hurtful. When I was on the inside, it was hard to see these things as hurtful myself, so I could I blame you? You sure didn't seem like you had any idea it was hurtful. Not to mention, when I was around someone who gave me that much confidence, I began to feel inferior too. I began to worry that if I said something or did something wrong, you might not stick around anymore, because I'd seen it happen before. After all, it was better to be an passive insider than an independent outsider.

But when you play with fire, you're bound to get burned. I knew better. I experienced the typical bullies in middle school and watched Mean Girls plenty of times. No matter what, I didn't want to believe you were a bad person. Before I knew it, I started being the receiver of the snide remarks and the judgmental looks. I started being the one who got ignored and excluded. All of a sudden this little world, this pedestal that I sat on started crumbling. Along with that went my confidence. Everything I identified myself with was gone when you up and left. How could I not see this coming? I sat on the inside watching this happen to a bunch of other people, and yet I thought I was something special.

While you tore my world apart, all I wanted was to be back in this horrible little world that I spent so long living in. I wondered what I did wrong, after all it had to be my fault. Because for some reason you believed you were untouchable, so I guess I did too. In turn, the doubt and the hurt absolutely wrecked my self esteem. Not only that, but I already ventured away from all of my friends because I brought someone so toxic into my life, they didn't like who I was anymore because I was what you turned me into.

Somehow this was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I could never possibly regret the decision to let you into my life because not only did you truly give me some good times, you taught me some of the best lessons I could learn when you walked away. I learned that sometimes what you see isn't what you get. You can do your research, you can put up walls, but there are always little secrets that you have to learn in time, and if you don't look out for them, you might not catch them. I also learned to never let someone else control my worth. Nothing you could ever say or do will ever determine how intelligent, independent and unique I am. I am not what one person thinks of me. And honestly, regretfully so, I learned that your friends always know. If I would've read the writing on the wall, I would've known how bad you were from the start, but I'm a sucker for a wolf in sheep's clothing. I'm truly glad I am though, because without you, I would never be as strong as I am today. I will never fall for a bully like you, and I will forever stand up for myself. I will choose my friends because of their hearts and souls, not for their charisma and self-descriptions.

So thank you for building me up even though everything you did seemed to try and break me down. I was burned, and I still deal with issues you created everyday, but I don't hold a grudge. I don't hold a grudge because you are no longer a relevant part of my everyday life. You are no more than a challenge I had to overcome. For your sake, I hope you learn how hurtful your actions are, and that treating people like you do will not get you far in life. After all, villains never come out on top, so you'll have to change roles or accept your fate.

Love,

The best friend you'll never have again