An open letter to Ben and Jerry,
Hey buddies,
How are you, my dear lifelong friends? I just wanted to say a few things that I never really took the time to tell you in the past.
Thanks for being so delicious. Whatever mood I am in, you always have a flavor to match. If I’m sad, your Americone Dream is waiting there to comfort me. When I’m feeling indecisive, Half Baked calls my name. And on the almost daily occasions when I’m simply needing to relax, Phish Food is an arm’s length away from me. Half Baked brought me a new friend and Truffle Trifecta created a bond between my friends and I after BottleRock. And so I thank you, from the bottom of my heart for always having my back. Your seemingly unending flavors will never cease to disappoint.
You guys are some of the most important men in my life, you’ve seen me at my worst and you’ve seen me at my best. You’ve been by my side during painful breakups, family problems, and (in Chris Harrison’s voice) the most dramatic seasons of the Bachelorette. You’re a couple of stick around guys. You don’t leave when the going gets tough and when my carton is empty, you are right there willing to be the replacement. You don’t judge me when I’m wearing my glasses and sweats with no makeup on and you comfort me when my tears are mixing with the sweet chocolate flavor. You rejoice with me when I’m laughing at Michael Scott’s antics and you screech like an owl with me when Ben picks Lauren B. Bottom line, you’ve been there through it all.
I don’t know where I would be without you. Honestly if you guys didn’t exist, I would probably be stuck eating some shitty, mundane, singular flavor of Breyer’s ice cream. It would be a dull, lifeless world where the sun doesn’t shine and birds don’t sing.
Friends come and friends go, boyfriends buzz in and out of my life, and sometimes I even wish that my family would take a long vacation, but with you, it’s different. With you I feel like when nothing goes right in the world, you are my rock. They say money can’t buy friends, but I disagree because your ice cream costs me exactly $4.99.
Ben and Jerry, I love you and your ice cream. The way the flavors dance across my tongue rock my world. I love the sweet decadence of your chocolate brownie chunks and the crisp coolness of your simple vanilla ice cream. I adore the way my teeth sink in to your delicious cookie dough and how my tastebuds are excited when I taste the thick caramel laced with the Sweet Cream Coconut. I really think you have a winning product here. Sure, Cheetos are cheesy and sure, Oreos may be some of the best cookie sandwiches created, but nothing will ever compare to the perfection that you have achieved. Way to go my friends, you freaking rock.
Hungrily,
The Ice Cream Addict
