Dear 2019,

You were good. And bad. I never had a year like you if I'm going, to be honest, and I don't want another one like you.

I know that wanting a year to be "perfect" isn't the way to go, but I wanted 2019 to be that for me. I thought, for some reason, everything would suddenly change, and it would be the perfect year and not just for me: for everyone I knew. There wasn't necessarily anything wrong with this year if I'm being honest.

I just had everything I needed but nothing I really wanted.

I got to spend a lot of time with my family and some of my friends that I became closer with, which of course I'm thankful for, but I didn't get as much solidarity as I wanted. Not to mention that I expected my friendships to be tighter, but the exact opposite came for me. I slowly became distanced from some of my favorite people this year but I lied to myself telling myself they were still my friends "forever."

I know a lot of people don't normally follow their New Year's Resolutions and maybe some people think resolutions are silly but I genuinely like to make a list for myself and try to follow them.

As you might expect by now, none of those resolutions were done, but this year it bugged me. A lot.

Why was I so annoyed by not getting any of my resolutions done? I know it may seem small, but the lack of motivation absolutely killed me by the end of the year. One of my resolutions was to stay more positive and to do that I would have to be motivated, but I didn't seem to want to do anything, especially if it was important.

I thought the "year" would take care of everything for me, as silly as it sounds.

I'm aware of how ridiculous that sounds but it was subconscious thinking. There wasn't a stop button to all my thoughts and if there was I would've stopped it when 2019 started because some of the decisions I took were great but the other ones were just irresponsible and childish.

I've never had such beneficial character development, but one year did that for me.

I've tried to stop relying on such things to make a single year go well because, in the end, it's all up to me. I realize that I may not like some of the decisions that I'm about to take in 2020 whether it's academic or just something to think about. I also realize that risks are a huge part of life, but if I take too many, I'll be in danger so knowing my limits is critical.

If you have enough hope and dedication for anything you want to do this year and for the decade that comes, that's enough to keep you going and make sure you never ever give up no matter what this year brings.

However, remember one thing: Don't expect 2020 to go exactly the way you plan because you never know.

Do not put your expectations too high but also not too low. Don't think about the year itself but how YOU are going to make it the best and how YOU will grow as a person. I know that I'm going to keep all of this in mind as 2020 keeps going.

2019, I'm sorry to say but you won't be missed by many of us because a lot of us are ready to start anew.

Sincerely,

Someone who is ready for a new year.