Well, here it goes.
Our breakup- it destroyed me. I was broken, and I'm still finding my pieces I left behind in you. You were not my first love, and you probably won't be the last person I give my all to. After all, I was hoping it would be you- but that's just something we couldn't see eye to eye on.
You weren't in my life for a long time, but yet it is taking forever to remove you from it. I still have your sweatshirt I "borrowed" back in October, I don't sleep with it anymore.
You were hurting and I wasn't able to tell, you were always good at hiding things to protect me. While you were hiding your hurt, I was also hiding my struggle with not feeling the full reciprocation of love. After all, people do change. I guess I just assumed you were changing, as humans do, but I was wrong. You were in pain, and I couldn't see it. You didn't tell me till after you left me, and I still wanted to be your cure. But, that is not how things went. You got better, you moved on- as I was (and sometimes still find myself) stuck in the past. My biggest regret was not seeing your pain, I knew something was different, but I also didn't know it would change our relationship. I often wonder how you are doing.
Like I said, you have moved on. You're seeing someone new, and I wish I could say the same. After all, it has been 5 months. My mind often traces the image of you in my dreams. You still appear in my dreams atleast once a week, and I wonder if that is part of the reason I haven't fully moved on. I mean, I've gone out, met new people, had a few one night stands- but it always came back to you. I even met someone I cared and loved for almost as deeply as you, but we don't see each other anymore.
I used to use writing as a way to cope with my feelings towards you, but lately it has not been easy. In my mind, I think maybe opening my feelings up in a more public matter may help. I'm still trying.
I think the hardest part of this all is that I'm without my best friend. You are still the person I want to tell all my good days to, but I can't. Were not like that anymore, we are now different people than we used to be. Our love for crime shows and god awful horror movies still resonates with me, in a way that is hard to explain. I have found a few documentaries and songs I know you would love, but it's not my place to share them with you anymore.
In the end, I hope you remember me. I wish for you to know how much I really did care, and that it was hard for me to express those feelings towards you, but the feelings were always there, and they still are. I'm still willing to share them with you, if one day that's what you want. Along with feelings, I have a whole journal of poems I wrote for you, and us. But, you never got the chance to read them. I still have my journal, and I always will, incase maybe one day you choose to read it.
In the end, I wish you the best. Maybe it will be us in the end someday, but only time can tell. And for you, keep doing what you're doing. I'm proud of how far you have come.
