I see it every day. Many people have it. It's not good, but no one ever talks about it.

So let's talk about it.

I heard some good advice from someone wise beyond her years. "Sometimes, everyone needs to be heard."

At Coe College, I've met a lot of people, and I would like to say I have a good relationship with most of those people. Whenever I get to know someone, I like to make sure they know they can come to me with anything and that I care.

I've had vastly different conversations, with so many different people, at all kinds of odd hours in the night, telling me a wide variety of bad news. While each one of these conversations was unique to that person and what happened, I always tried to keep one thing in common.

It wasn't about me. It was about them.

You're rambling again, Gabe. Why are you telling me this? Well, reader, this is kind of my style.

Too many people have what I like to call the "one-up mentality." This is when no matter what happens, I have to have it better than you. If you tell me you caught a fish this big, I caught a fish thiiiiiis big.

But when it comes to things like hardship, it seems to have become the cool thing to have it worse.

If someone tell their friend they're tired, or they've had a bad week, or their feet hurt, it automatically becomes a competition where they compare and contrast days, and we're off to the races.

"Gosh, I'm really sore from my run today." "Oh really, how far did you run? Because I ran four miles yesterday, and you wouldn't believe how sore I am." Bickering ensues.

What happens when you one-up someone, is you minimize their problem and you minimize them as a person. Whether you mean it or not, you are saying "What you are going through is not bad, you do not know what struggling is like, and you need to feel bad for me."

Rather than actually listening to your friend, you are talking about yourself. Normally, this is fine. You are a part of this collective "everyone," and you undoubtedly need to be heard at some point. But this is not your time. Right now is your time to help your friend, not yourself.

If someone is telling you about a hardship they are enduring, it is a compliment to you. They think you are a good listener and that they can trust you. Take my simple advice, step up to the proverbial "plate," and knock it out of the metaphorical "park."

Make sure the first words out of your mouth* are "I'm sorry. What can I do for you?"

Done. You're well on your way to becoming a better listener, and a better friend.

*or out of your thumbs because our generation seems to prefer text communication more than face to face interactions, but that's a story for a different time