Guess what?
Nobody's life is all peaches and rainbows and happiness. Whether it's something exclusively personal, family or relationship based, school or work related or Internet bullies, everyone has bad days.
Sometimes, you'll have a great day and feel guilty about it. Perhaps it's because you don't believe that you are worthy enough to have a good day, or because you know that there are so many people around you who are having an awful day. This usually happens to me at night, as I'm trying to appreciate the day I had, and by result, I ruin that perfectly happy day for myself.
Every once in a while I just have one of those days when I wake up and nothing feels like it's going right. I feel despondent, small and sometimes even scared. I want nothing to do with that day and nothing to do with the people around me, since I'm afraid I might say something I don't mean or get mad at them for no reason. I get so much into my own head those days that I start believing that I should've just stayed home, in bed, so that I couldn't get in anyone's way or do anything stupid.
But yet, even when you're having one of those days, you have to go out into the real world. Whether it's work or school or family events or parties, you still go out and put on a face that says, "I can tackle anything you throw at me today" while thinking, I just want to crawl into my blankets and watch Netflix and cry. And yes, I've had more than a few of those days. And sometimes it gets to the point where I wonder why all of the people around me love me, why they care about me and want to talk to me and hang out with me.
When you're in such a negative mood to begin the day, it's so difficult to keep yourself from thinking that the people who care about you could potentially stop caring about you at any point in time. When you think about something so harsh, it's hard to believe you're worthy of the emotional connection that you have to them.
I think we all know what it's like to dwell in the thoughts of negativity and insecurity, but going through the day like that is not the hardest part, at least not for me. The hardest part is trying to find something that will make you happy on those days. To find something that will give you the escape from your mind that you so desperately look for on one of those days.
So, after 18 years of life, I think I've finally found it. The thing that, no matter what kind of day I'm having or who is in my life, can make me happy and carefree. And that thing is music. And to be more specific, it's blasting Sara Bareilles's music in my car and belting every single word I know (which happens to be most of them at this point). I honestly don't know what it is about her music, whether it's just the fact that we have totally similar vocal ranges or that she's so raw and real through her music. It's probably a combination of the two, but her music is what I listen to every day now on the way home from work (or whenever I'm in my car alone), and it never ceases to make me feel at ease and happy, even on one of those days.
