Sometimes all you really need is yourself.

Valentines Day, 2015 was the last time I was ever in a relationship (harsh, I know). Since that snowy day, I knew there was going to be a tectonic shift in my love life. I was alone for the first time since I was fifteen (give or take a few months). There was no one I was tied down to and the world felt new. For the first time, there was something unfamiliar stirring inside of me; opportunity. There was also the dark side of this feeling, an unmistakable fear that arose with my newfound status. I was alone for the first time since I was fifteen. In a way, when I was a young teen, the presence of a guy made me feel valued and whole.

For some reason the insecurities of being alone and rejected sprouted up at the ripe age of 13, before I even knew what love meant. The idea that no one was going to love me was an irrational thought that latched on similar to a parasite for many years. This was incredibly unhealthy and resulted in equally unhealthy relationships. All they did was hurt me instead of boosting my self-esteem and make me feel loved and whole.

It was after that snowy day I decided to take a break from it all. I wanted to be single for me, to grow my own mind and ideas. I wanted to develop my personality without any outside romantic influences since this happens so often in relationships. This was scary, but I committed myself to it. A whole year passed and I had yet to make that commitment with someone. A year bled into two and now, as I am sitting here, and have been single for three years this upcoming February. Something about that makes me proud.

It has taught me that I can be independent and okay with myself by myself. Also, it has taught me to cherish and appreciate my platonic relationships and family. Just because something is romantic does not mean it deserves a higher pedestal than the other people who love you. A boy or girl is not the end all of life and should be there to enhance life, not encompass it.

However, there is some loneliness that comes with the territory. It does hurt when (it feels like) all of my friends have SO’s and go out with them. Seeing couples on Instagram and everyone having “relationship goal” worthy loves can be discouraging. Instead of being bitter about it, I support and encourage. Being bitter is only going to hurt the soul and cause a negative attitude about love. I know my turn will come soon and I have my entire life to feel the way I felt so long ago if that was what I even felt.

There have been many loves in the past three years, however. I put myself out there and go on my fair share of dates. Some of them have been bad, some have been good, some have even been great. I've gotten my heart broken by people I cared about and I also broke a few hearts myself. With everyone that I've put myself out there with, no one has stuck. The puzzle piece in my hear currently has never quite fit. I don't let that discourage me though.

Some people aren't meant to date and that's alright. I know when I find my person these three years will be worth it. I know the next person I take that step with will be one that compliments me in the best. Until that day, however, I've certainly learned that one is not the loneliest number and being single can be inspiring, fun and fulfilling.