After pushing my way through a sea of tweens last Thursday night in New Orleans, I think it is safe to say that twenty-somethings are not the target audience of the members of One Direction.
Don’t get me wrong, we were amped the up in the car… until we got on the highway. Three hours later we had listened to the song "Trumpets" twelve times, taken 300 seconds of Snapchat stories, gotten yelled at by traffic directing cops, and struggled our way into a parking spot that was not meant for an SUV.
There were legitimate swarms of girls between the ages of 5 and 15, and, as far as I could tell, the only other groups of people there were moms and sexually-charged 20-year-olds cooing over the unattainable pubescent teens that made up the opening act, 5 Seconds of Summer.
We wandered our way through the stadium on the hunt for reasonably priced beer and soft pretzels - neither of which we were able to find - while constantly looking over our shoulders to make sure one of our friends hadn’t fallen in her wedges (she had).
Once we made it to our overpriced seats with a view primarily consisting of ceiling, we patiently waited for the five super hot members of One Direction to come on. It was clear that most of the crowd had never attended a concert since the majority of them were too young to even know the lyrics to the "Friends" theme song, and whenever a new commercial came on, they cheered as if their lives depended on it.
The lights finally went down 90 minutes later and there they were: Niall, Harry, Liam, Zayn, and Louis, in the flesh. They appeared to be the size of ants from where we were - but, like, really sexy ants so we still screamed like we were back at a Jonas Brother’s concert in 2008.
They played a million songs and we sang along to the two we knew and it was all fine and dandy but now I have a bone to pick with 1D. So boys, if you’re reading this (and we all know you are), why did you play so many “sitters?” I was expecting to be jumping around like I was watching my Tigers score a touchdown, and instead I was chilling in my seat. If you’ve got the music to get people on their feet, then why not play it?
Also, why does Harry always get the spotlight? Zayn was looking fine and he only got to be on the JumboTron like ten times the whole three hours you played.
Honestly, I shouldn’t complain. I got to live every 10-year-old girl’s dream AND have a nice cold beer while I did it, but next time I think I may just watch my copy of the One Direction movie at home, so I don’t have to hold my friend’s hair over a Superdome toilet.
