I really, really hate to be less than perfect. And I tend to set these expectations for myself and accept nothing less, but I usually end up disappointed. But then I take a step back to think about it and I have to remind myself, “You’re only 20 years old. No one is perfect at any point in their lives, let alone when they’re a quarter of the way through with it.” That’s like reading ¼ of the textbook and expecting to ace the test. Just kidding. But in all seriousness, we are super hard on ourselves, as human beings, and I would like to argue that our competitive society and race to get ahead in our generation tends to make it worse.

We face pressure from employers, parents, and peers, shoving messages in our faces of who we should be and we end up having these very idealistic and often unachievable goals in our heads for ourselves. I could spend this time writing a list of the 100s of times that I’ve failed and gotten really upset with myself in the past year alone. But here’s the thing that no one is telling us: It’s okay. It’s great even. Fail. Fail at life. Mess up. Let people down. Because it’s crazy freeing when you become okay with that.

Please, please don’t use this as an excuse to never study again. But what I’m saying is that when you’ve given things your best effort, you have to just let the chips fall where they will. People are going to work way less hard than you sometimes and still come out on top. And that’s because we live a life where things aren’t fair and people will always be better than you. I get it. It’s frustrating and sometimes you feel the need to throw a temper tantrum about life’s woes. But when that happens, get back up and try again. Or try something else.

It’s also okay to give up. Not when the going gets tough and you don’t feel like it, because that is one reason why many people hate us millennials. But I think that one thing that this phrase is missing is the fact that sometimes things aren’t worth the fight. Sometimes, we can find ourselves trying to climb up an oily slide with zero-traction shoes on. It just isn’t going to work. You don’t have the right equipment, experience and time to fight. You’re better off giving up and finding a new place to put your energy. And it’s freeing to say that too.

So, I’m telling you right now. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to hate your summer internship and question your college major. It’s okay to tell a guy you like him and have him say he’s not interested. It’s okay to get completely lost and run out gas and have to call your dad for help. What many of these silly experiences show us is things that we don’t want to happen. Through each failure, we become more aware of ourselves. We learn what we like, what we don’t like. We learn our deepest fears and the things that bring us joy. We just simply have to fail and live life to figure out where we want to go.

Please stop being so hard on yourself, because we’re all here arm-in-arm, failing with you.