An ogre is like an onion.
They have many layers. Many different layers that make them up.
I have a lot of layers too. So that makes me an ogre.
Well, that makes sense, no big surprise there. I always knew I was an ogre.
In the past few days, I've made a lot of new friends. I've deepened some old friendships, I've discovered some new ones. This is mostly because I've managed to get out of my room and exist in public spaces where there are actual people around me.
And I've found that with each new person, my layers are slowly peeled back in more or less the same fashion. Interesting. These are my layers, these are the steps to getting to know Riya:
1. I'm funny
Laugh at my pain lol. When you first meet me, I make fun of myself, I make fun of our current situation, I make fun of people, I make jokes. This is the outer layer of me that uses humor to crowd-please. People like laughing and they like the people that can make them laugh. They like people with a lot of energy and that can show them a good time. That's what I'm great at, and that's that hard exterior shell that most people see of me and that most never get past.
2. I roast you
How you know I'm comfortable with you is when I start roasting you to your face. Granted, I'm terrible at roasting. I was recently told that I'm too soft to ever properly roast someone, and to this, I concede. But if you manage to peel back this layer, I'll let the roasting fly. Turn up the heat my dude, and bring on the slips ups, because I will burn you. But all out of love, I swear.
3. I talk to you and text you all the time
Peel back this layer, and you'll probably be sorry you ever befriended me. I will text you and snapchat you constantly. I will send you songs and memes and random thoughts that I had that I felt like I wanted to share with you. It's because you're one of the people on my mind, and every experience I have in the day, I want to share with you. I want your opinions on the thoughts that pop into my head. I want you to laugh at the jokes that made me laugh. I want you to be blown away by the music that makes me happy.
4. Through this process, I teach you about me
Don't ignore too many of my texts because each of these is a way to teach you a little bit more about me, the things I like, dislike, the way I think about the world. Most of the time, I keep my views and opinions to myself (except for in these articles of course), but then occasionally, I share some fun tidbits about my world schema, and my ideas of how the world works, the things I hate and the things that I think are perfect.
5. I hang out with you, in person
This is probably the most difficult layer to breach, in my opinion. It's so difficult to get into that headspace where I'm willing to share face time with someone because when I spend time with someone, I give them all of my time. I don't want to be distracted, working on something else or talking to other people. Intense? Sure, but this isn't a layer that many people get to. You signed up for this, not my fault. Get ready for one-on-one deep talks.
6. I share my deepest thoughts with you
In my life, a total of two people have gotten to this layer, aside from my mother, father, and brother, of course. This is when the emotions flow unrestrained. This is when I cry, emboldened, no restraints. This is when you learn about everything inside of me. My insecurities, my fears, my hopes. This is the real shit, y'all. This is where we get into Riya. Don't get your hopes up though, she's every bit as weird as she was when you first met her.
Layers, layers, layers. We're all layered. And there are always stages to understanding people and learning about them. They teach you more and more about themselves, as they learn more and more about you. It's the give-and-take of life. I give you my layers, and you give me yours.
Don't worry, all the fun stuff about me is still there the deeper you get, I promise. But all of us have deep demons that lie in our minds and don't find their way out until we find people we can truly trust. Until we find people that make us feel safe even as we are wholly vulnerable. You peel away all of my layers, and I am left with my heart, bare and exposed, irrevocably me. And I only hope that I make you feel as safe as you have made me feel.
