I think often in our lives we spend entirely too much time focusing on the problems rather than on solutions.  We get bogged down in trying to “figure out” our brokenness, trying to figure out what is wrong with us.  Really, more often than not, the solution comes when we just stand up and be present in the moment we are in.  The problem, however, is that, more often than not, if we’re focusing on the problems and trying to “solve” it all, it is because the simple act of being present is just, quite frankly too painful.

It is too painful to face all that we have lost.  To face the hurt that has been inflicted upon us and that we have inflicted upon others.  It’s too painful to see the body that we’ve allowed to go without regular movement for so long, to waver between being overly nourished and often, not at all.  It is too painful to wake up to the reality of a completely different life, to wake up and see that not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, mentally, in every way, YOU are a different person.

The truth of the matter is that, while freedom are growth are beautiful, wonderful, shining parts of our lives, we often can’t help but miss the comfort of our chains.  There is a comfort in being bound to what our lives once were that is difficult for some to understand.  But freedom, while it is amazing, beautiful, and awe-inspiring, doesn’t bring peace.  With freedom comes newfound fear.  Anxiety. Uncertainty.  And being present in the midst of crippling pain and loss while also living into newfound freedom and growth? That, I’m afraid, is one of the scariest places you will ever find yourself.  There is a continual feeling of coming out of your skin and no real certainty about what is up and what is down, nor where the solid ground is.

And I think THAT is why we hide, why we get bogged down trying to figure it all out.  Maybe with just enough analyzing, just enough fixing, just enough problem solving we can make that coming out of your skin feeling go away.  Maybe we can somehow make it all better within ourselves so that others won’t be able to see the obvious hurt, the obvious fear.  Maybe, just maybe, if we try hard enough to disguise it all nobody will ever have to see who we really are underneath it all.  Maybe if we try hard enough to put those chains back on people will think we are perfectly ordinary, perfectly boring, perfectly unhealed and unable to face the harsh realities that life has thrown at us  Because that, that hiding, that trembling, that cowering in fear, that is so much like the Spirit that Jesus gave us, right?

Romans 8:15-17— “The Spirit you received does not make you slaves so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father’.  The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory”