We had a good run, with a lot of laughs and smiles. I never thought there would be an end to the love we shared. I guess what I'm saying is that loving you was the easiest and greatest thing I ever chose to do. After almost a year of constant happiness and fun, we broke. You were leaving for college in a few short months, and maybe it was just because our friends had become jealous of the love we shared. Just like that I was crying more than laughing, and I was hurting you more than I was helping you. I realized that the only thing I knew how to do was push you away. It was like overnight we were completely different people. You didn't smile the way you used to when I was around, and I didn't know how to fix that. After this though, it was over. 

Over; used to express action or result. 

I think after we declared it was "over" I laid in bed and cried for 3 days. I tried to go to school, and I tried to act like it didn't happen but the truth is, nothing broke me more than having to tell you goodbye. I remember it happening like it was just yesterday. I called you 15 times, and texted you numerously. You didn't even have the guts to answer, but maybe that's because I broke you. I don't think that either of us were able to handle what was happening. I cried, in front of my mom, my dad, and actually, anyone that saw me in school that next day. Crying for me was always a sign of weakness. I don't cry because I trained myself to always be happy. This time though, there was no way to keep it in. Crying was all I could do because no matter what anyone said, or did, they weren't you. It wasn't over though, because for a month after that, we tried to repair what had been broken. Each time we tried to fix it though, you backed out. Nothing messed with my head more than the way you came and left, more than once. Kissing me each time you said goodbye. That's not how a goodbye works, when you say goodbye, you're supposed to just leave. You shouldn't kiss the other person because then the wrong idea gets put through their head.

I guess when summer came, things became easier. Mainly because I didn't have to see you. I could go all summer without knowing you were living in the same small town as me. I didn't have to pass you in the hall and yearn for you to look my way and smile. Summer became the time that I experienced many new highs and a lot more lows. I realized that no one would ever be you. I couldn't laugh with anyone but you, and I couldn't tell other people jokes the way I did you. Slowly, I forgot about you. I thought that I was starting to be over you, and then bam, I wasn't. I think that after a while I finally realized that I would never stop loving you, but I could learn to love someone else more. Things were actually going good; if you didn't think about the fact that I haven't even been able to talk to a guy with the intention of dating him. It became a game for me. How long would I be able to talk to someone before I completely shut them out. A record 2 months was the longest. I knew I would just leave in the end but hey why not right? I led this kid on for 2 months and then suddenly, I never answered again. 

School started, and that meant all of the sports and dances started. I was happy, and I made homecoming court. I had one of the greatest and most supporting friendships I could ask for. We hadn't had any type of contact for 10 months. It was a new year and I was so excited for the new adventures that would happen.

January 1st, 2018: 2:01 am...

 "I'm sorry for everything that happened between us, I'm sorry that I said that I hated you, I didn't mean it, I only said it because I was frustrated with everything everything that was happening between us, I just want us to be on good terms, I feel bad about what I said I forgive you. Let's pretend like everything in the past different year didn't happen, let's start anew, on new, different, good terms. I'm sorry."

"Who's this?"

You sent me that message. I started my New Year by reading this apology from you. I didn't have your number anymore so I didn't even know it was you, until you answered again, saying in fact, that it was you. Although I didn't put your name in this; if you see this you will know that it was you. I thought I was finally getting over you, and then everything changed. The thing is, you were drunk and I knew that. But the next day, you texted me again. Proving that sober thoughts become drunk words. I told you we could be friends, I said whatever I had to say so that the conversation would come to an end. 3 weeks later I pick up my phone to a notification that said "... added you on snapchat". I think I choked a bit when I read that. Then I woke up to 2 snapchats from you. I thought for a little that things were going well and that we might actually be able to figure things out and become "us" again. After a week or so I came to realize that I no longer wanted you. I no longer had a desire to love you. 

This was the beginning of me becoming whole after you. 

So here I am almost a year later and I am finally myself again. I am finally able to talk to someone and actually feel something. Now there's a guy whom I really enjoy talking to.  He makes me smile without even trying. I know that I am whole again because I haven't compared him to you even once. I think I finally realized that although you became a huge part of me, I don't need you now. 

I am happy. Most importantly though, I am whole.