Her first hello to the world was with a cry. Maybe a few cries, a few hiccups, and a bunch of naps. She didn't yet know where her life was going to take her.
Her whole life she grew up surronded by love. She watched her parents as they so carefully kept her close to them. She denied the troubles that surrounded her head. She had fears, but she never knew they could actually come true.
She watched as the movies portrayed happy endings. No matter what happened, you always hold on to that person, right? You always end up with the one you love. No matter how much fighting you have to do to keep that person.
She watched as the relationships surrounded her seemed to not compare with the ones that she was faced with.
It wasn't until two greenish-grey eyes approached her. A sudden mystery that swamped her mind every second. But because she did not want to think about the truth of him, she stormed it to the back of her mind, never letting it get in the way of what she wanted to believe.
She let false allusions lead her to a place where no one should ever want to go. Within weeks, she was in love with the hands that made her feel the safest, but also the most confused she had ever felt in her life. She cared about the one person who seemed to care about her as well.
They spend hours at night face timing, he made her believe she was the only one. He told her he was falling for her when he was drunk, and she was always taught to believe that "drunk words have sober meanings." She lived in a world of secrecy, never allowing for anyone to know what was actually going on.
His first time cheating was dismissed from his mind, allowing her to believe he would never do anything bad to her. The lips of another was pressed on her lips every time he kissed her. His mouth was sealed with the secrets he kept.
But someones mouth wasn't sealed. The first time she found out about this act, she broke down. And when she spoke to him about it, as broken as she was, he let her believe he was the broken one. With hope in her heart, she returned to him, hoping that this would end like the movies did.
A constant pit in her stomach arose anytime someone had to tell her a secret. She tried to be good enough, thinking that she wasn't because he had to crave things from others. She looked in the mirror every day, and said "this will be the day I will be enough for him." Little did she know, he wasn't enough for her. Nothing compared to the way she loved, they way she loved him.
But weeks passed, months passed, and his truth finally surrendered. Hands slammed against the wheel as he admitted to his truth. It wasn't just the lips of one other that came between their relationship. It was many others as well.
He had all of her in his hands, knowing that she trusted him with every piece of her. Her strings were tied, but his were loose, coming back and forth to her and many others. With an emptiness in her heart, she knew that this wouldn't end like what was implanted in her mind from the time she was born.
Her life up to this moment was a lie. No matter how much she fought, this was never going to be something worth fighting for. Her home was in a place that was temporary. It was time for her to leave, to abandon what she thought made her the happiest.
Without knowing the reality, she closed her ears off to the word and tried everything she could to forget. To forget about the love that started a fire in her that eventually burned her down. Her nights were filled with reminiscing, wondering where she went wrong. Her image of love was adjusted.
"Everyone is going to hurt you."
"You will never be good enough."
"This is the reality of love, this is what the movies don't tell you about."
Oh what a shame for a boy to make her believe this. For a reckless love to change her.
Her love wasn't enough so he craved it from others. But not from their hearts, from the places that made them moan.
To the first love she ever had...
thank you for teaching her everything that love shouldn't be. Thank you for letting her learn early.
