I've been in a relationship for as long as I can remember. Ever since middle school I have always had a boy in my life. Until about 6 months ago, I hadn't been single. Being single was actually a fear of mine. I didn't want to be alone, I didn't want to have to face life without another individual. As much as I claimed to be an independent woman, I was the farthest thing from it.
Since this was the first time I had been single since I started dating, I pretty much had to teach myself how to live all over again. At first, I was miserable; I couldn't do anything by myself. I couldn't even find it in myself to go to the grocery store without someone with me. Luckily, I had incredible friends who stuck by my side through it all. At the time, I was living in an apartment that my ex and I were supposed to share. So you can imagine the anxiety that came with the reality that I was now living alone (shit, I couldn't even leave the house alone; now I have to live alone?!)
I ended up moving in with my parents and found myself in a pretty deep state of depression. I didn't want to go out with friend's, I slept for about 15 hours a day, and put on a good 10 pounds. I was miserable. I remember looking in the mirror and not even recognizing who I was.
One day I woke up and decided I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself anymore. I was done playing the victim. It took everything I had to get out of bed, and to go out and do something. But I did it. That day, I found myself driving to the gym, because more than anything I just wanted to feel good about myself. After the gym, I went to coffee, and then went and got my nails done, alone. The first time I found myself alone in public in a solid year. I actually felt happy for the first time in months. I ended up finding myself in the gym everyday, sometimes even twice a day. I found passion in working out. I was able to put on headphones and escape reality for a couple hours. Each day I set a goal, whether it was to make my bed that day, or spend 30 minutes on the stair master, I had a goal and I did everything to accomplish that goal.
Looking back now, I cant thank him enough for leaving. As miserable as the process has been, I now know who I am. I can now confidently say I am independent. I don't rely on any one but myself, and can, thank the lord, go to the grocery store alone. No only can I do things alone, I actually look forward to time by myself. I can honestly say I am happy and I feel so much delight in achieving everyday goals.
If you find yourself in a position similar to mine just know, that it gets better. I know that everyone you encounter has probably told you that by now but I promise you my dear, you will make it. Set everyday goals for yourself, find things you're passionate about, and remember everyday is a new day.
You now can do whatever you please without having any ties. If you want to move across the country, do it. If you want to kiss some boy, do it. If you want to eat a pint of ice cream and watch the notebook, girl do it! Life is to damn short to let a boy determine your happiness. Get up, get dressed, feel good about yourself and tackle your day.
Before I end this there is one thing I want you to remember, you are as powerful as you believe you are. You chose how your day is going to go. Give yourself time to grieve, but once your done, be done and start fresh with a new beginning. You are amazing and no one can take that away from you.
