Last Wednesday night, I dragged myself from my javelin practice to watch a documentary the school was showing on campus titled “The mask we live in” which is about the struggle guys face dealing with the concept of masculinity and what society's social norms constitute as “manly."
Boys and men alike in the 21st century are being set up for failure as they try to stay true to themselves while battling america's narrow definition of what it is to be a man. From an early age boys are told to “man up!”, “don’t cry!” and, “Stop with the emotions.” The “guy code” they are taught to follow their whole lives makes it difficult for boys to be themselves without feeling like they don’t fit in with other boys and also fitting what girls want to see in a guy. It becomes an uphill battle between who they want to be and who they have to become. With that being said I have something to say:
Dear all my friends who are guys,
I am sorry.
I am sorry you had to experience this in your life.
I am sorry for all the times you were hurt, whether emotional or physical, and your dad said that “men don’t cry”.
I am sorry for all the girls in middle school who didn't pay attention to you because you weren't deemed a cool kid.
I am sorry for any time I called you a “wuss,” “baby” or to “grow a pair”.
I am sorry for all the crap your coaches ever put you through in an attempt to “make you tougher”.
I am sorry for every cut, scrape, bruise, and tear on your journey to becoming a man.
I am sorry for all the emotional stress you've been put through while trying to keep it all together at the same time.
But most of all I am sorry that nothing has changed for you. The issue still exists today because people are not aware of the problem and nothing has been done to change that.
So from now on I pledge to always be aware of what I am saying to you,
I pledge to make others aware of what they are saying to you,
I pledge to make sure I am not adding to the cultural norm of boys who are not allowed to truly be themselves.
And I pledge to do my part to change the american culture, one person at a time.
With lots of love,
Claire Palmiter
