"Woman enough." Exactly what does that mean? I've been living for 20 years, and I can't really answer that question too well. Each individual has a different explanation as to what being "woman enough" means and what history tells womanhood as being is constantly changing. As I get older, my definition of being a woman has changed, as well.
As a young child, I thought that being a woman was based upon beauty and the desire of a man. I believed that for quite a while, if I'm being honest; I thought that being a woman was solely based on my outer appearance. My perception of a woman was constructed from movies and magazines and I began to thought that I wasn't "woman enough" if I didn't have certain physical characteristics. I wasn't "woman enough" if I wasn't skinny or attempted to look "attractive" for the gratification of the opposite sex.
Especially as a teenage girl, I struggled with that concept of being "woman enough." I felt that I would be perceived as "unladylike" if I talked a certain way or dressed particularly "unfeminine." This fear of dressing or acting a certain way and being perceived as not "woman enough" by my peers circulated my thoughts often.
While attending high school, I wanted to cut my hair, but fear stood in my way of actually doing it. At the end of my junior year, I finally took the bold move and cut my hair quite short. My hair was something that represented part of my femininity and, afterwards, I felt that what had made me "beautiful" was gone. I would receive comments such as "Omg, that haircut looks so good on you," with the occasional "You look like a boy" thrown in. While the compliments outweighed the criticisms, the negative comments were all I could think of. I started to deeply regret my decision of cutting my hair.
There I was, this insecure girl who just wanted to be accepted by others. To make things worse, while I was at work one busy Friday night, this little girl proceeded to ask her father if I were a boy. The little girl attempted to whisper the question to her father but obviously didn't succeed. As I heard that, I stood there and almost wanted to cry; that small comment affected me in such an odd way. I began to fear that people would perceive me as a boy, which I really shouldn't have worried about.
Now, several years passed, I'm sitting here typing while rocking a buzz cut and unapologetically being a woman. You see, there was nothing wrong with being told I looked like a boy and there's nothing wrong with dressing in baggy clothes or with funky styles. At the end of the day, being a woman is within me and not in what others see of me. I'm a woman because of my personality, my actions and my fearlessness. I'm a woman, even if I don't have long strands of hair flowing against my back, laugh a little too loud at my own jokes and, at times, dress oddly. I am woman enough, and you are too.
