In elementary school, I thought I was the try-hard. In middle school, I thought I was the wannabe. In high school, I thought I was the social introvert. But in reality, I'm really not quite sure who I was. And to be honest, I don't really know who I am now.
I have always been stereotyped in every part of my life. Whether it came from my friends, my family, or other random acquaintances, I would always be called something. And for most of my life, I would believe all these things they would say about me, and would make all my decisions based off of the stereotypes that were projected on me. In the end I realized that none of those people actually know who I am.
Why? Because I don't even really know who I am.
Growing up, it was hard for me to truly understand this. Things constantly kept changing, my body kept changing, and I was in a constant debate with myself believing that I needed to act a certain way because I had made myself into a certain kind of person. I always sheltered the thought of my changing. I felt the pressures of fitting in. I started to really lose myself.
I didn't know I was lost up until recently. Going into my senior year of high school, I started to really embrace who I really was. I think it was when I started to have to make adult decisions such as what am I doing after college, where I was going, and what career path I wanted to think about. During this time, I was SO indecisive. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I think that's when I was sort of forced to figure out who I really was. And slowly but surely, I started to find myself again.
Being indecisive has been so difficult for me. I never knew what to do, and so I made myself experience things I have never done so that I can start to narrow things down. And even after all of that, I still had no idea what I wanted to do because I didn't really know who I was.
Am I outgoing? Am I shy? Am I creative? Am I practical? All these things are something that I keep switching in my head, and it has made me stumped on life. I looked at the mirror, and couldn't really see who I was.
But, I realized one day that it is okay to not know who you are. It doesn't just come overnight. It comes in little increments and you slowly realize what you want out of life. Day by day, I learn a little bit of myself that I didn't know before. I think there's something really exciting in the fact that everyday you'll experience something different, and these experiences are what make you who you are.
Finding yourself throughout this life is a journey. Life is a constant journey of self-realization and we must not dwell on the person we were before. The person in your past does not define who you are now. It is up to you to decide who you want to be, and you're not going to know right away. But, you will.
You will be the person you are meant to be in due time. You just gotta stick it out until then.
It's going to be alright. In the midst of all the lows and highs of life, you'll be hit with a sense of the real you.
