If you asked me ten years ago, five, or even two, where I would be at age 20, my answers would be so far from my life right now. It’s not the easiest thing to make peace with, but it’s okay. I know it’s okay.
After all, we set our highest expectations for ourselves.
Ten years ago, I wanted to be a writer. In my hellish fifth grade year, I escaped by imagining my future as a famous writer. I would have several books published before I was 15, and a movie deal by the time I was 20.
I refused to even consider a different future because I was certain I was destined to create stories out of nothing, to be the God of my own world.
As time went on, and I passed through elementary school and middle school as something just short of a literary prodigy, I was certain in my dream. Then, everyone else caught up.
The simple truth of the matter was this: I wasn’t as good as I thought I was.
Yes, I read at a high school level in elementary school, and I was writing like a college student in middle school. However, in high school, everyone else caught up. Soon, those As and praises turned into Bs and bland “good jobs”.
I went from getting medals and prizes for my writing to getting so many emails saying, “Thank you for your submission. However...”
It was disheartening, but as things happen when you are young, my dream changed.
Then, I was 15 and I discovered musical theatre. Suddenly, that brain of mine that used to be full of melodrama and character outlines began to fill up with songs. I joined dance classes and voice lessons, and I watched bootleg after bootleg.
I was never cast, at least that’s what it felt like. I kept getting ensemble roles and bit parts in shows where everyone who auditioned was guaranteed something. It was frustrating, but I kept at it.
At 15, I told myself I would be making my Broadway debut by 20. Or, at the very least, I would be the star of my college theatre program.
Now, I am fortunate enough to be a musical theatre major. I am not the star of my department— not by a long shot. I am also nowhere close to making my Broadway debut.
And that’s okay.
My dream hasn’t changed. I still hope to make my Broadway debut, but I’ve taken a deep breath and removed the deadline.
At some point, I will perform on a Broadway stage.
Your dreams don’t need deadlines to be real.
Two years ago, I thought I would be at a college in New York’s age 20. Or, if I wasn’t lucky enough, I would be transferring to one the following fall.
Now, I am at college in New Jersey, and I am happy. I’m on the way to graduate early, and I am growing as a theatre artist a little bit more every day. I’m rooming with one of my best friends next year, and I’m making my main stage debut this spring.
I might not get to New York until years after graduation.
And that’s fine.
It’s important to remember that just because you’re not where you thought you’d be, you’re still on the path to something great.
