When I was younger and played that game "house" or "family" with my friends I thought about how one day in the (far, far) future I would have my own family. I would have children, a husband, pets, and live happily ever after. I always thought I would want 2 boys and 2 girls, because of course things always work out like that, right? And my husband would love me and my children and everything would be perfect! But of course, when you're 6 years old you don't recognize that's not how things always work out. Often people are infertile, have miscarriages, are not financially secure enough for children, or their husbands do not love them as much as they imagined.
Or you realize that you may not want children after all. Even though when I was a little girl and thought about how I'm going to want children and a family of my own, as I got older I realized this may not be my dream. A family doesn't have to be a husband and kids, a family is whoever you feel at home with, it could even be your best friends, or your dogs for all I know. In my future I do plan to get married, but I do not plan on having children.
Why? Well, my mother raised us as a single mom, or more so nannies raised my me and my sister. My mother had to work and keep our home in a stable financial situation, so even though it was not her fault, she was not always around. When I'm older I plan to be a doctor (an epidemiologist specifically), which is not a job that you can just go to and come back, or have short hours when you please. If I were to raise children, I'd want to be around for all the early years of their lives, I'd want them to have their mother around. But, I want to work. I want to go and make enough money that I feel comfortable and am able to afford the things I or my husband needs. I do not want to feel stressed out because I have children at home that I am not attending to. Also, as an epidemiologist, you often travel to underdeveloped nations where disease rates are very high. I do not want to either have to expose my children to that, or have them miss their mother when she's gone for two weeks. When I look at my future I see myself working in a lab and helping to cure diseases. This isn't a future that involves raising kids for me. I have thought that perhaps if one day I am in a situation where I want a child and feel stable enough, I will adopt an older child from an underdeveloped nation, since they are often thrown to the side and not thought of. But this is the only circumstance I can think of now.
My mother often tells me that without having children I will not be "fulfilled" in life. I honestly could not think of a more incorrect point. My siblings plan on having children, so I'd get the chance to be the "cool aunt" and I could buy them things and host big family parties. My aunt has no children and I often think of her as a second mother to me, which is what I feel like I would be treated as, which to me is more than enough fulfillment. I think it is wrong to judge women for not wanting to have children, many people think that it is selfish and it's a woman's "duty" to continue to have children. But, I believe that if someone does not want to have a child, there is a reason for it. Do not judge someone elses choices, especially for their future. Don't tell them they will "change their mind" or it's "just because they're young," because even though some women may change their mind, many will not.
It is okay that I don't want to have kids, it does not make me a selfish person. And I will be able to live a fulfilled life, despite having no kids.
