I Can't Be Responsible For Your Happiness

I Can't Be Responsible For Your Happiness

When I don't have the tools to help someone fix something, I feel helpless.

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Have you ever been in a situation when someone was hurting or upset, and you just wanted to make it better? Have you ever just wanted to take away pain, anger, or hurt and put it on yourself to try to do so? Those actions might be symptomatic of a need to be responsible for other people's happiness.

I care so deeply about the people in my life. My friends and family are everything to me, and mean the world to me. You get it. I want to support people and be there for them as much as I can. More than anything, I just want people to be happy. This doesn't mean that I have to be responsible for other people's happiness.

Being responsible for other people's happiness is something that I struggle with regularly.

Even when someone is upset about something that has nothing to do with me, I still have the urge to put it on myself to fix it. I have a hard time seeing someone angry, feeling defeated, or just being negative. When I don't have the tools to help someone fix something, I feel helpless. The thing is that nobody necessarily asked me to fix it for them- I put it on myself. Sometimes we need to need to indulge in those feelings and sometimes anger is justified to a certain degree, but it is too much responsibility to take on for myself.

It's exhausting and heightens my anxiety, quite frankly. I think I feel the way I do because I see myself as a peacemaker, nurturer, or comforter by nature. It's instinctual for me. The hard part is that sometimes when I do this, I ignore my own emotions or feelings, brushing them aside. This can get toxic when it prevents me from being to able to express my emotions and thereby being vulnerable and creating connections with people. I have a hard time leaning on other people for support. I find it easier to be in the supporting role. I think it comes down to feeling like a burden on other people, which comes down to a self-worth issue.

Essentially, for me and other people that feel this way, I think the remedy for this is to focus on valuing ourselves. We have to help each other and remind each other that we are worthy of love and support. We have to find the people that will truly care about who we are as people and support us through the struggles. I have people I can lean on, luckily, but I still never want to feel like a burden to them. There are lots of ups and downs we all experience, and it's hard to do that without someone to lean on.

I'm going to work on being vulnerable and remind myself that not everything or everyone is in my control. Let's focus on loving ourselves where we're at and making progress.

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Shoutout To My Parents For Giving Me My Best Friend In The Form Of A Younger Brother

He's not as bad as I first anticipated.

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This is a story about my best friend.

I was lucky enough to have a built-in bestie from the day he came home with my parents and I immediately questioned who they stole the "creature" from.

My brother's name is Andrew and he and I have always had a catty but close relationship, which has developed into something I wouldn't trade for the world.

When we were younger we were the most jocular kids you could find and spent our days running around with our school friends shooting each other with nerf guns, hiding in every corner to leap out and give the other a heart attack.

We would hang out for hours until someone antagonized the other (Andrew was always the trouble maker) and yelled for our mom to intervene, or took out our ager by practicing our yellow belt karate skills on each other until our fake punches got to be too much and we would die laughing.

I never realized how special my relationship with my brother was until I heard how my friends talked out their siblings. My friends would endlessly complain about how much they hated their brother or sister and wished they were never born; and me, being who I am, would be shocked that they used the h-word, and tell them that they must still love them which they would relentlessly deny.

Seeing these failing relationships taught me to cherish what my brother and I have, and that is honestly the most important responsibility, and gift, I could've ever been given.

Looking back, the best childhood memories I have include him, and I wouldn't have it any other way. From founding the science club (his closet that we would do experiments in, and give our friends golf balls with their name on it as a key), to sledding down a three-foot hill in our neighbor's backyard for hours, to surfing and boogie boarding until we turned to prunes, to the endless games of HORSE we played (I don't understand how I'm still terrible at basketball), he's been with me.

Since then, our relationship has blossomed into much more than snow wrestling and movie binging; now as an adult, coming home from college is the most stress relieving and exciting time, because I know I get to hang out with my brother and talk about the most obscure things until he makes me get out of his room (because teenage angst, you know!!).

Thankfully, the required familial love has turned into a never-ending love for my best friend and little brother, and I can't wait to keep growing up side by side and to see what the world has in store for us.


https://www.instagram.com/andrewgmphoto/


ANDDDD HE'S 17 (as of the 15th)https://www.instagram.com/rebecca_miller38/

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