I Can't Be Responsible For Your Happiness

I Can't Be Responsible For Your Happiness

When I don't have the tools to help someone fix something, I feel helpless.

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Have you ever been in a situation when someone was hurting or upset, and you just wanted to make it better? Have you ever just wanted to take away pain, anger, or hurt and put it on yourself to try to do so? Those actions might be symptomatic of a need to be responsible for other people's happiness.

I care so deeply about the people in my life. My friends and family are everything to me, and mean the world to me. You get it. I want to support people and be there for them as much as I can. More than anything, I just want people to be happy. This doesn't mean that I have to be responsible for other people's happiness.

Being responsible for other people's happiness is something that I struggle with regularly.

Even when someone is upset about something that has nothing to do with me, I still have the urge to put it on myself to fix it. I have a hard time seeing someone angry, feeling defeated, or just being negative. When I don't have the tools to help someone fix something, I feel helpless. The thing is that nobody necessarily asked me to fix it for them- I put it on myself. Sometimes we need to need to indulge in those feelings and sometimes anger is justified to a certain degree, but it is too much responsibility to take on for myself.

It's exhausting and heightens my anxiety, quite frankly. I think I feel the way I do because I see myself as a peacemaker, nurturer, or comforter by nature. It's instinctual for me. The hard part is that sometimes when I do this, I ignore my own emotions or feelings, brushing them aside. This can get toxic when it prevents me from being to able to express my emotions and thereby being vulnerable and creating connections with people. I have a hard time leaning on other people for support. I find it easier to be in the supporting role. I think it comes down to feeling like a burden on other people, which comes down to a self-worth issue.

Essentially, for me and other people that feel this way, I think the remedy for this is to focus on valuing ourselves. We have to help each other and remind each other that we are worthy of love and support. We have to find the people that will truly care about who we are as people and support us through the struggles. I have people I can lean on, luckily, but I still never want to feel like a burden to them. There are lots of ups and downs we all experience, and it's hard to do that without someone to lean on.

I'm going to work on being vulnerable and remind myself that not everything or everyone is in my control. Let's focus on loving ourselves where we're at and making progress.

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won’t see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won’t laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won’t go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They’ll miss you. They’ll cry.

You won’t fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won’t get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won’t be there to wipe away your mother’s tears when she finds out that you’re gone.

You won’t be able to hug the ones that love you while they’re waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won’t be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won’t find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won’t celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won’t turn another year older.

You will never see the places you’ve always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You’ll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it’s not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don’t let today be the end.

You don’t have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It’s not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I’m sure you’re no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won’t do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you’ll be fine.” Because when they aren’t, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

For help, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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3 Reasons To Cut That Bad Friend Off

We all have that one friend who is generally bad for us.

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We all have that one friend who is generally bad for us. It is perfectly okay to think about yourself and do what is right for you. It can be very toxic and unhealthy to constantly be around a bad influence in any kind of way. People always say they want to be financially secure or feeling secure with their significant other, but friendships also need security. Here are three reasons why that may not be the case.

1. They aren't supportive.

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We all have that friend who generally does not care about what you say or do. You gotta be careful with that. Some people will act like they do, but behind closed doors with their other friends they don't. There are so many things to talk about with friends especially problems and issues within each other's personal life. If that person isn't making any attempt to show any kind of sympathy for you, they aren't the friend for you.

True friends are always behind your back in whatever you may be going through. Yes sometimes it can be hard because everyone has their own problems, but if you are willing to give and take it makes a good balance. What I mean by that is, giving each other space to breathe and reflect on things that are happening, then come together and talk about it with one another.

2. Too clingy or needy.

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Another part in having not so good friends is if the person is too close to where they don't give you any space to get yourself together. The person who is clingy may have personal things going on in their life to make them like that and that is okay. But it can become unhealthy if the problems start becoming your problems and it is taking over your life in a negative way. What I mean by that is if that person is acting a certain way towards you and you can't seem to enjoy life as much sometimes to where you actually feel miserable, that is unhealthy. For example, jealousy. There are some friends who are very clingy because they are nosy and very jealous.

They don't take your kind friendship seriously because they are too busy secretly comparing their life to yours. There are some things in life that you can't control or help others with because it has to be handled a certain way. At the same time, you are still going through your own things and it can be draining to try and "fix" someone else when you have a lot on your plate as it is. Sometimes it is best to cut them off if they generally will not leave you alone or they are manipulating you in any kind of way from it. Sometimes doing that gives people a wake-up call of how they take their anger or problems out on others.

3. They talk about you behind your back.

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To make this clear, everyone talks about everyone. There is nothing wrong with that. But there is a difference between generally talking about someone to inform someone about what is going on, expressing frustration and trying to resolve something by asking for advice, compared to actually bad mouthing about someone in a very rude and mean way. If the person is actually saying mean things about you, they aren't the friend for you. If they insult you in any kind of way (race, gender, outer appearance, personality, family or other friends), it is best to stop being friends with them. If they talk about you behind your back and plan anything to try and harm you or someone else, it is best to cut them off and also inform some type of authority.

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