Growing up, I liked to play with the boys. I played with Barbies, I played sports, I wore sweats and sneakers and my hair was always in some type of braid. I liked to dress comfortable. I did not wear makeup until I turned 15 and I was extremely insecure of my body.
Today, I still wear sweats and I wear makeup with them, but I was never the typical teenager. Although, I tried to mold myself to society's expectations and my family's. I damaged my hair. I barely ate, but no one seemed to notice because "I needed to lose weight." I was unhappy.
I was a tomboy stuck in a body that was not mine. I was stuck in a body where I did not know how to balance the sporty, get down with the boys, and the girl who loved to experiment with makeup. I wanted to find the happy medium where I was not disappointing my family for not being feminine.
My grandmother was and still is behind my back about my weight and whether or not I am being influenced by my peers. She believes that wearing sweats is not lady-like and that I need to wear dresses, be thin and wear makeup all the time. But that is not, nor will it ever be, me, and she continues to believe that my peers in college are the ones influencing me to be a tomboy.
If it were up to my grandmother, she would put me in a dress and heels all the time. Frankly, no one seems to realize how much work it is to constantly do your makeup every morning. No one seems to realize that no woman wants to be uncomfortable. I, for one, am one of those women.
But I will say it: I AM NOT FEMININE.
I love to get dirty. I do my makeup when I desire to do so. I am not influenced by my peers. I have and always will be a tomboy with a few exceptions. I will never be a size zero. I just cannot even imagine being that size. Who am I impressing? If a person cannot like me for who I am then they do not deserve me at all.
To be feminine would be to lie to myself and continue to be unhappy. I do not expect my family to understand for they do tend to have antiquated beliefs. This is not their fault, but they need to realize I will never be the typical Latina who has to do her hair all the time and wear everything skin tight. It's just not my style. My peers have not influenced my behavior.
I can change a tire, a battery and measure the oil in a car. These are things I believe are useful and are more interesting to me. I was never attracted to the "girlie" things, whatever that may be.
But I am tired of being told to be more feminine. I do not want to be. But if anyone else desires to be, they can. There is nothing wrong with that. I just rather be happy in my skin and in MY body more than anything else. I am probably a disappointment to the Latina community, however, I could care less nowadays.
I am happy wearing sweats, sneakers and makeup every now and then. Every woman deserves to be happy in their skin the way THEY want to find most comfortable.
