Oh, hello there, I'm glad you could make it. I almost didn't see you come in. You see, my 4d Fibrosis Mascara has bestowed me with many gifts -- one of which is long, luscious eyelashes that give me such incredible length that they occasionally obscure my vision. You can receive these gifts as well and all we ask in return is that you pledge your loyalty to our Unique Cosmetics family. This is not a cult, I'm just here to sell mascara.

Please come in. Take a seat in the circle of ladies gathered here in my living room tonight. We're throwing a party today, a celebration if you will. Tonight, we celebrate not only the wonderful mascara that the company has created for all of us to enjoy, but also the bond I share with each of you ladies that transcends the Facebook invitation that you all were hesitantly guilted into accepting. I want to take our bonds to the next level. I want you to join the Unique Cosmetics family, and feel the love and support we share with our sisters. This is not a cult.

Red or white? Perhaps you'd prefer a nice Moscato blush instead? Please, don't hesitate, help yourself. There's no reason to be shy, especially not when you are among sisters. I have gathered all you ladies here because as I said earlier, you all share a common thread. Yes, the desire for long, thick eyelashes, but I can also sense a desire for independence in all of you. A longing, a hunger, a desperation for an escape from the monotony of your day-to-day life. You know you can't work traditional hours -- you are students, mothers. Today, I offer you that freedom, the freedom to work your own hours, make your own money and shed the bondage of wage slavery. All we ask in return is a financial investment and a pledge of your loyalty to the sisterhood. This is not a cult.

You see, "Unique" is so much more than a multi-level marketing opportunity. We're a family. We change lives through the power of overpriced cosmetics. You can do whatever you want -- you can host parties, recruit friends, use guilt to coerce your family and Facebook acquaintances to buy things they don't need. But one thing that you will never do is go against "the family." The outside world does not understand "the family" and they will never understand the bond that we share as sisters of the mascara. They call us terrible, horrible names. We are not a pyramid scheme. We are not a cult. We're a family of independent sisters who are changing the world. Soon, every woman on the planet will know our message and the glory of Unique 4d Fibrosis Mascara. This is not a cult.

As I extend my hand to you, I beg you to consider the financial and emotional benefits to joining our family. You will be bestowed with gifts beyond your wildest imaginations, and a 60% royalty on anything you sell. Join us. This is not a cult.