April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. In 2018, people should be vigilantly aware of the devastatingly high rates of sexual assault and the impact they present:
99% of sexual violence perpetrators will walk free.
Last week I attended a local event on campus which invited activists to discuss sexual assault. In the beginning, a speaker asked for everyone to close their eyes. “Now raise your hand if you know anyone who’s been sexually assaulted. Open your eyes.”
Every single hand was raised. Every single hand, including mine.
Within the span of an hour, I finally spoke the words I concealed deep within:
“I have been sexually assaulted over 4 times. For months, I haven’t been able to sleep. I never said these words because I didn’t want to be just another statistic. I didn’t want to admit it, denial is easier. It’s easier to wake up each morning not recognizing sexual assault and rape for what they truly are. But this…. this is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. I can’t keep suffering in silence.”
When a survivor of sexual assault comes forward, too often the courts focus only on the visible impacts left upon his/her/their body. There is a total disregard for the affected mind and spirit.
One act of sexual assault can take days, months, years, an entire lifetime, to heal. You cannot heal overnight. I remember the morning after, staring in the mirror at the small bruises on my wrists. I began to break down in tears, in disgust. I avoided my reflection for weeks. I used a compact mirror to apply my eyeliner in the mornings, refusing to look at the body which was no longer mine.
For years I have been in denial. Now I accept the truth.
It was not the outfit I was wearing. It was not the number of drinks I consumed. It was not the way my hair touched my lower back. It was not the length of my skirt. It was not being “naïve” at 15. It was not my red lipstick. It was not the way I smiled. It was not the way I moved.
It was not my fault.
Sexual assault has impacted the lives around me as well. From family members to my best friends, almost every single one of us have been or have known someone who has been sexually assaulted. Almost everyone I love shares the same pain. As I stared around the room, every single hand was raised. If that is not a clear indicator of how large the problem sexual assault is, we choose to live in ignorance.
As a survivor of sexual assault, I have shared the experiences many do. From denial to starving myself, I tried to alter my body to an image I could no longer associate with the assaults. I tried to erase my pain by pretending it never happened. I tried to conceal the shame I felt beneath my clothes. I used silence to hide the vulnerability and hurt I experienced. Yet nothing helped.
Since this is something I must live with for the rest of my life, I am compelled to help those who have experienced the same. I hope my words can ease the pain to those who felt powerless, watching their friend, sister, brother, parents, anyone, struggle through the painful process of healing. Living with this pain, I can no longer remain silent.
Many believe legal action can provide healing and justice to sexual assault survivors. The same legal system which is broken. From modern day cases such as Brock Turner to the infamous words of a judge, “why couldn’t you just keep your knees together?”, insensitivity and blame are set upon victims.
Over 127,000,000 billion is the total amount of money rape costs victims every year in the U.S. alone. In numerous cases, the survivor must navigate through the excruciating pain of reliving the experiences in court, find the funds to hire a lawyer and deal with the victim-blaming mindsets which plague our nation. Due to the intimidating obstacles without the guarantee of resolution, often survivors choose to not take legal action. Know whichever choice you make, your choice is respected.
The choice to speak out should be as honored as the choice to remain silent.
To anyone who has experienced sexual assault, please know it was not your fault. Healing can take time. As it took years to admit I was sexually assaulted, be patient with yourself. Know that people are there to help you even if you don’t reach out. I am here to listen and help in any way I can if you or someone you know has been assaulted and are unsure of what to do, or even just need someone to talk to.
I urge everyone to start the conversation. Start discussing sexual assault in your home, your campus, your work, any platform you have. Communities should create environments that encourage and cultivate discussions on how to fight sexual harassment and assault in everyday life, from micro-aggressions to assault. People should be actively finding solutions regardless of whether they or anyone they know has been assaulted.
You do not have to wait until next April to act. Speak out now because I promise, whether it’s the man sitting beside you in a coffee shop or the young woman who works with you, someone will benefit from your acknowledgment of sexual assault.
“Empowerment is realizing you are the one who needs to say the things you’ve waited your entire life to hear.”
-Matt Kahn
It’s May 2018. Now is the time to act. With every 98 seconds, we are over a minute too late.
May healing come to those who are survivors of sexual assault. May we see a day where survivors are respected in our legal system. A day where we can go minutes, hours, days, months, years, without a single person being sexually assaulted. To those who have been assaulted, I hope you find the strength and courage to break free from self-blaming and victimization. Your truth is yours alone. Not anyone else's.
You are not another statistic, you are a life. A life worth fighting for.
SAPEC Resources: University of Kansas
Campus Assistance, Resource, Education and Engagement (CARE) Coordinator
Counseling and Psychological Services
Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE)
National Resources:
National Sexual Assault Hotline
National Sexual Violence Resource Center
