"Wow! I am so glad I talked about the weather with that acquaintance! My life has improved vastly because we both observed the same meteorological phenomena!"
If you have ever said the above phrase, you're probably alone. Virtually nobody likes small talk, so it is baffling how much small talk permeates our conversations and our everyday lives. Why would people keep using it if everyone hates it?
I personally can understand why some might have disdain for small talk, but I can't help but recognize that it is necessary and useful. To those of you who find yourselves constantly avoiding talking to strangers out of the fear of chit-chat, my heart goes out to you, but with all due respect, I think you're doing it wrong.
When I was a child, growing up in Appalachia, I saw my grandfather talking to everyone. He had friends everywhere he went, but it was nearly impossible to distinguish whether or not the person with whom he was conversing was a friend or a stranger. He got it; he managed to take a 30-second conversation and make whomever was speaking to him feel appreciated, at ease and a little bit more cheerful.
How does this translate into our lives? We don't all live in places that value a slow pace and a friendly exchange. I think we can start enjoying small talk in a better way when we begin to recognize its purpose and the subtlety within it.
The first big thing about small talk that I think people don't realize is that it is not the end goal. People shouldn't be using small talk to fill space or just to have said something. The goal of small talk is to find an outlet -- to find a usable conversational path. When two people hit enough boring topics, eventually someone will say something interesting that spurs on an actual conversation. This doesn't occur if one simply cuts the conversation short.
I recently began working at a restaurant as a host. One of the most challenging parts of my job is coming up with things to say between the host stand and the table. The managers want me to talk to the people, but how many times can I talk about the weather before I pull my hair out?
Well, the challenge of that situation can actually be a fun challenge when looked at properly. The responses that someone gives to a prompt such as "How are you this evening?" or "It's been really nice outside today," can give an indicator as to the mood of the guest, their level of fatigue, and their level of desire to connect with another person. I choose to use this information to shape my experience with each person.
Becoming attuned to the nuance within small talk helps us to understand people's needs, allowing us to assign more meaning to our interactions with each person, even if we only interact with the person for a number of seconds.
What it ultimately comes down to is intention. Small talk, when done mindlessly, is nigh pointless and very annoying, but when done with a certain level of attentiveness, it can open up the world around us, giving more meaning and more character to the people who surround us.
When I go in a public place, I often look at all the people around me, noticing whatever expression is on their face at the time, imagining what music is playing in their headphones, and trying to picture their story. Each person is uniquely fascinating. There is no way I can ever meet them all, but I can resolve to appreciate those around me, even for just a moment. We can all take the time to talk, learn, and connect with others and maybe make the world a little smaller in the process.
