A Non-Swiftie's Ranking Of All the Songs On Taylor Swift's "Reputation"

A Non-Swiftie's Ranking Of All the Songs On Taylor Swift's "Reputation"

Love her or hate her, the woman can write a good song.

On November 10th, Taylor Swift pretty much stopped the entire world by dropping the best selling album of 2017. While I am not a proclaimed Taylor Swift fan, I still found myself listening to the entire album. After a listen (or three), here's my ranking of the album's fifteen tracks.

15. End Game

I am all for any collaboration with Future or Ed Sheeran but something just feels so wrong here. The faux rapping, the messy verses…. It sounds like Future took his paycheck and ran. Also, I don’t want to hear Taylor Swift say ‘dope’ while attempting to rap ever again. Best line: I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put 'em.

14. Look What You Made Me Do

The fact that this song sampled “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred is a crime in itself. The song sounds like three different tracks shoved into one and the lyrics try too hard to push a bad girl persona of Swift. That just doesn’t exist no matter how much she wants to believe the old Taylor is dead. Also, what did they make her do? Write a mediocre song? Best line: Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time.

13. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

This track is pretty much her biggest middle finger to Kanye West and her way to blame him for ruining her good time. Fans may like the song but if you aren’t one, the song just comes across as petty, childish, and forgettable. Best line: Then you stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand.

12. I Did Something Bad

Look What You Made Me Do Part Two but with better production and more tolerable lyrics. Best Line: If a man talks shit then I owe him nothing.

11. King Of My Heart

Here, 1989 Taylor can be seen but, the production is a too all over the place for my liking. The idea that love finds you when you stop looking is different for her though. Best Line: The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury.

10. So It Goes...

The verses leave much to be desired but Swift definitely pulls through on the chorus. However, she pulls out the “bad girl” trope again which makes this song sound more like a filler. Best line: You know I’m not a bad girl but I do bad things with you.

9. Don’t Blame Me

This song is nicely produced but it doesn’t sound like a Taylor song to me. Personally, I would like to see someone with vocal chops like Adele take this song on for it to reach its full potential. Best line: I once was poison ivy and now I’m your daisy.

8. Ready For It?

This song would be a lot lower if it weren't for that amazing chorus. However, I couldn’t help but cringe at that “rapping” in the verses. Best line: He can be my jailor, Burton to this Taylor.

7. Delicate

This song reminds me of “Red” and the lyrics are some of her most honest on the record. I would have liked to see some of the electronic production left off such a nice song though. Best line: Do the girls back home touch you like I do?

6. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

The production is massive in this song and I can only imagine how cool it would sound live. The lyrics are stunning too. Best line: I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted.

5. Dress

Wildest Dream 2.0. It sounds like a Lorde song but with a ton of sexual innuendos. Maybe the shock value of the song is why I like it so much. Best line: Only bought this dress so you could take it off.

4. New Year's Day

Love her or hate her you have to admit that Swift is amazing at writing ballads. While it does not reach the level of “All Too Well”, the song still makes you want a love you probably don’t have. Best line: Please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere.

3. Call It What You Want

This song has the lyrics we’ve come to expect from a Taylor Swift song so in short, it’s perfect. I almost wish she made this the conclusion of her album. Best line: You don’t need to save me but would you run away with me?

2. Gorgeous

I don’t know if I love this song because I relate to it or if it's just that good. It’s probably a mix of both. Also, the line about her cats is iconic along with the “ding!” before that epic chorus. Best line: Guess I’ll just stumble on home to my cats, alone, unless you want to come along.

1.Getaway Car

The most 1989 song on the album and the most perfect. Swift evokes all the classic images that have become her trademark and the Bonnie and Clyde vibe of the song makes it an instant classic. If she doesn’t make this a single, it will truly be a crime. Also, poor Tom Hiddleston. Best line: It’s no surprise that I turned you in ‘cause us traitors never win.

Cover Image Credit: @taylorswift on instagram

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15 Texts We'd Get From Dogs If They Had Thumbs

"If you're reading this, send Milk Bones."

Let's be real, anyone who has a dog knows that it if we could, we would text our dogs all day long. If they could text us, our thread would look something like...

1. "Are you coming home soon?! Let's go out!"

2. "So not to be weird... but you never ended up answering me last night... Am I the good boy? Idk I just want to be clear on our relationship I don't want to be lead on if I'm not."

3. "The cat is being such a bit** I literally can't stand her"

4. "Hey, just wondering, are you going to wear those black booties tonight? If you are, I'll chew the zipper out of the brown ones instead."

5. "Okay, so don't freak out, but something not so chill happened on the rug..."

6. "Are there any leftovers in the trash? I'm not gonna get into it, I was just curious. Love u."

7. "If you're reading this... bring Milk Bones."

8. "Hey, what's for dinner tonight?! Purina again?"

9. "Miss you!!"

10. "Are you gonna eat that food on the counter or is that for everyone? Asking for the cat."

11. "I LOVE YOU"

12. "OMG, I can't wait for you to come home on break! Can you sleep in the guest room tho? Mom said I could have your room when you moved out. Love u!"

13. "Ice cream date later?!"

14. "We should go for a walk I need to get my ass back in shape for summer. You should be my workout buddy!"

15. "Netflix and chill tonight?"

Cover Image Credit: Salon

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Poetry On Odyssey: Hustle and Bustle This Holiday Season

"...Have conversation, turn off the cable..."


It's Holiday season,

Time to be freezin'.

Thanksgiving will be here before we know it,

Don't stop now, you can't quit.

Numerous trips to grocery stores,

Pure mayhem when you walk through those doors.

Shelves bare,

You're ready to pull out your hair.

Long check-out lines,

Or delayed airlines.

Prepare and cook the turkey low and slow,

Wait for that golden brown skin to glow.

Place the gravy and cranberry sauce on the table,

Have conversation, turn off the cable.

Before you know it, Christmas is here,

The classic songs are music to our ears.

Yet we all dread the trips to the mall,

To find the perfect gifts, big or small.

The Christmas Tree Lighting floods TV stations,

With singers from all generations,

The scent of candy canes fill the air,

We wish the day runs smoothly, Lord, hear our prayer.

Lots of wrappers and bows cover the floor,

As we obsess over our presents more and more.

New Year's creeps up on us,

Throwing a party is always a plus.

Streamers, noisemakers, food,

Who knew planning the perfect party was of this magnitude.

The line at the liquor store gets longer and longer,

Because of the stress in picking a champagne or sparkling cider.

Deciding to prepare finger foods or a five-course meal,

Why not get take-out? DEAL!

Clock counts down from ten.

As the clock strikes one, we've made it to another year, AMEN!

Glasses clinking,

People drinking,

"Happy New Year,"

We cheer.

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