A Non-Swiftie's Ranking Of All the Songs On Taylor Swift's "Reputation"

A Non-Swiftie's Ranking Of All the Songs On Taylor Swift's "Reputation"

Love her or hate her, the woman can write a good song.

On November 10th, Taylor Swift pretty much stopped the entire world by dropping the best selling album of 2017. While I am not a proclaimed Taylor Swift fan, I still found myself listening to the entire album. After a listen (or three), here's my ranking of the album's fifteen tracks.

15. End Game

I am all for any collaboration with Future or Ed Sheeran but something just feels so wrong here. The faux rapping, the messy verses…. It sounds like Future took his paycheck and ran. Also, I don’t want to hear Taylor Swift say ‘dope’ while attempting to rap ever again. Best line: I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put 'em.

14. Look What You Made Me Do

The fact that this song sampled “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred is a crime in itself. The song sounds like three different tracks shoved into one and the lyrics try too hard to push a bad girl persona of Swift. That just doesn’t exist no matter how much she wants to believe the old Taylor is dead. Also, what did they make her do? Write a mediocre song? Best line: Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time.

13. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

This track is pretty much her biggest middle finger to Kanye West and her way to blame him for ruining her good time. Fans may like the song but if you aren’t one, the song just comes across as petty, childish, and forgettable. Best line: Then you stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand.

12. I Did Something Bad

Look What You Made Me Do Part Two but with better production and more tolerable lyrics. Best Line: If a man talks shit then I owe him nothing.

11. King Of My Heart

Here, 1989 Taylor can be seen but, the production is a too all over the place for my liking. The idea that love finds you when you stop looking is different for her though. Best Line: The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury.

10. So It Goes...

The verses leave much to be desired but Swift definitely pulls through on the chorus. However, she pulls out the “bad girl” trope again which makes this song sound more like a filler. Best line: You know I’m not a bad girl but I do bad things with you.

9. Don’t Blame Me

This song is nicely produced but it doesn’t sound like a Taylor song to me. Personally, I would like to see someone with vocal chops like Adele take this song on for it to reach its full potential. Best line: I once was poison ivy and now I’m your daisy.

8. Ready For It?

This song would be a lot lower if it weren't for that amazing chorus. However, I couldn’t help but cringe at that “rapping” in the verses. Best line: He can be my jailor, Burton to this Taylor.

7. Delicate

This song reminds me of “Red” and the lyrics are some of her most honest on the record. I would have liked to see some of the electronic production left off such a nice song though. Best line: Do the girls back home touch you like I do?

6. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

The production is massive in this song and I can only imagine how cool it would sound live. The lyrics are stunning too. Best line: I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted.

5. Dress

Wildest Dream 2.0. It sounds like a Lorde song but with a ton of sexual innuendos. Maybe the shock value of the song is why I like it so much. Best line: Only bought this dress so you could take it off.

4. New Year's Day

Love her or hate her you have to admit that Swift is amazing at writing ballads. While it does not reach the level of “All Too Well”, the song still makes you want a love you probably don’t have. Best line: Please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere.

3. Call It What You Want

This song has the lyrics we’ve come to expect from a Taylor Swift song so in short, it’s perfect. I almost wish she made this the conclusion of her album. Best line: You don’t need to save me but would you run away with me?

2. Gorgeous

I don’t know if I love this song because I relate to it or if it's just that good. It’s probably a mix of both. Also, the line about her cats is iconic along with the “ding!” before that epic chorus. Best line: Guess I’ll just stumble on home to my cats, alone, unless you want to come along.

1.Getaway Car

The most 1989 song on the album and the most perfect. Swift evokes all the classic images that have become her trademark and the Bonnie and Clyde vibe of the song makes it an instant classic. If she doesn’t make this a single, it will truly be a crime. Also, poor Tom Hiddleston. Best line: It’s no surprise that I turned you in ‘cause us traitors never win.

Cover Image Credit: @taylorswift on instagram

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50 Quotes from the Best Vines

If you're picturing the vines in your head, you're doing it right

In 2017 we had to say goodbye to one of the best websites to ever roam the internet: Vine. In case you have been living under a rock since 2013, Vine was -(sad face)- a website and app that took the internet and the app store by storm in Winter 2013. It contained 6-second videos that were mostly comedy- but there were other genres including music, sports, cool tricks and different trends. Vine stars would get together and plan out a vine and film it till they got it right.

It was owned by Twitter and it was shut down because of so many reasons; the viners were leaving and making money from Youtube, there was simply no money in it and Twitter wanted us to suffer.

There's been a ton of threads on Twitter of everyone's favorite vines so I thought I'd jump in and share some of my favorites. So without further ado, here are some quotes of vines that most vine fanatics would know.

1. "AHH...Stahhp. I coulda dropped mah croissant"

2. "Nate how are those chicken strips?" "F%#K YA CHICKEN STRIPS.....F%#K ya chicken strips!"

3. "Road work ahead? Uh Yea, I sure hope it does"

4. "Happy Crimus...." "It's crismun..." "Merry crisis" "Merry chrysler"

5. "...Hi Welcome to Chili's"

6. "HoW dO yOu kNoW wHaT's gOoD fOr mE?" "THAT'S MY OPINIONNN!!!.."

7."Welcome to Bible Study. We're all children of Jesus... Kumbaya my looordd"

8. Hi my name's Trey, I have a basketball game tomorrow. Well I'm a point guard, I got shoe game..."

9. "It's a avocadooo...thanks"

10. "Yo how much money do you have?" "69 cents" "AYE you know what that means?" "I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets"

11. "Hurricane Katrina? More like Hurricane Tortilla."

12. "Hey Tara you want some?" "This b*%th empty. YEET!"

13. "Get to Del Taco. They got a new thing called Freesha-- Free-- Freeshavaca do"

14. "Mothertrucker dude that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick"

15. "Two brooss chillin in a hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay"

16. "Jared can you read number 23 for the class?" "No I cannot.... What up I'm Jared, I'm 19 and I never f#@%in learned how to read."

17. "Not to be racist or anything but Asian people SSUUGHHH"

18. 18. "I wanna be a cowboy baby... I wanna be a cowboy baby"

19. "Hey, I'm lesbian" "I thought you were American"

20. "I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag" "you spilled- whaghwhha- lipstick in my Valentino White bag?"

21. "What's better than this? Guys bein dudes"

22. "How'd you get these bumps? ya got eggzma?" "I got what?" "You got eggzma?"

23. "WHAT ARE THOSEEEEE?" "THEY are my crocs!"

24. "Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?"

25. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAVEN!" "I can't sweem"

26. "Say Coloradoo" "I'M A GIRAFFE!!"

27. "How much did you pay for that taco?" Aight yo you know this boys got his free tacoo"

28. *Birds chirping* "Tweekle Tweekle"

29. "Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal"

30. "I brought you Frankincense" "Thank you" "I brought you Myrrh" "Thank you" "Mur-dur" "huh...Judas..no"

31. "Sleep? I don't know about sleep...it's summertime" "You ain't go to bed?" "Oh she caught me"

32. "All I wanna tell you is school's not important... Be whatever you wanna be. If you wanna be a dog...RUFF. You know?"33. "Oh I like ya accent where you from?" "I'm Liberian" "Oh, my bad *whispering* I like your accent..."

34. "Next Please" "Hello" "Sir, this is a mug shot" "A mug shot? I don't even drink coffee"

35. "Hey did you happen to go to class last week?" "I have never missed a class"

36. "Go ahead and introduce yourselves" "My name is Michael with a B and I've been afraid of insects my entire-" "Stop, stop, stop. Where?" "Hmm?" "Where's the B?" "There's a bee?"

37. "There's only one thing worse than a rapist...Boom" "A child" "No"

38. "Later mom. What's up me and my boys are going to see Uncle Kracker...GIVE ME MY HAT BACK JORDAN! DO YOU WANNA SEE UNCLE KRACKER OR NO?

39. "Dad look, it's the good kush." This is the dollar store, how good can it be?"

40. "Zach stop...Zach stop...You're gonna get in trouble. Zach"

41. "CHRIS! Is that a weed? "No this is a crayon-" I'm calling the police" *puts 911 into microwave* "911 what's your emergency"

42. "WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? "

43. *Blowing vape on table* * cameraman blows it away* "ADAM"

44. "Would you like the spider in your hand?" "Yea" "Say please" "Please" *puts spider in hand* *screams*

45. "Oh hi, thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garrbaagge"

46. *girl blows vape* "...WoW"

47. *running* "...Daddy?" "Do I look like-?"

48. *Pours water onto girl's face" "Hello?"

49. "Wait oh yes wait a minute Mr. Postman" "HaaaAHH"

50. "...And they were roommates" "Mah God they were roommates"

I could literally go on forever because I just reference vines on a daily basis. Rest in peace Vine

Cover Image Credit: Vine

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7 Reasons To Get Excited For The Orlando Fringe Festival

Aside from the obvious draw of 100+ shows to choose from, there are so many more reasons to check it out.

The Orlando Fringe Festival is a two-week performing arts extravaganza featuring all kinds of acts from this city and others. It is also the longest-running theater festival in the United States, so it’s had plenty of time to get great. If you want the basics on how to attend, there is an article in the Orlando Sentinel that breaks it down for first-timers. But as we gear up for what is basically Coachella for theater nerds, here are just a few more things to get jazzed about.

1. You’ll finally be able to support your artist friends.

We all have that friend who is constantly involved in some sort of production. Of course you’d love to go and see them all, but who has the time? At Fringe, there are plenty of chances to see a show, since there are performances at many different times for two weeks. And if you have a lot of friends who are performers in Orlando, then I have good news! They will all be in the same place.

2. Two words: food trucks.

There is pretty much no other time when it is socially acceptable to eat a bunch of fried Oreos than at a carnival or at Fringe. Carnivals seem dangerous though, so you might as well just hang out at Fringe, where it’s safe.

3. There’s something for everyone.

Even if theater isn’t your thing, there are more than just a few alternative options available. You can also find concerts, stand up comedy, storytelling, and a whole lot of things that will make you say, “I didn’t know that was a thing."

4. This year, planning is easy.

In their 27th year, the Orlando Fringe has introduced a new way to plan which shows to see. The Fringe-o-Matic allows you to input the shows you’re interested in and create a personalized schedule so you can make it to (almost) all of them.

5. You’ll never have to travel far.

Most of the shows at Fringe are located in or around Loch Haven Park, and venues include the Orlando Shakespeare Theater, the Orlando Repertory Theatre and the Orlando Museum of Art. These are all within walking distance of each other, and are separated only by a parking lot (which, by the way, is free to use). The only other shows are BYOV, or Bring Your Own Venue, in multiple locations in Orlando.

6. It’s not just local acts.

Maybe if you’re an Orlando native, you’re a little tired of the local scene. This festival includes production companies from lots of other states and countries, so it’s a great opportunity to see fresh faces and shows that are the best of their respective locale.

7. Things will get weird.

Even if you’re a veteran Fringe-goer, you’re definitely in for a quite a few surprises. Last year, I saw a Canadian male burlesque troupe led by a Justin Trudeau impersonator (caution: link NSFW), and it wasn’t even the craziest thing that happened.

The Orlando Fringe Festival runs from May 15th to the 28th, so it’s right around the corner. It’s all happening so fast! But if you’re not hyped yet, maybe you should take a trip to the beer tent.

Cover Image Credit: Orlando Fringe

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