I Have No Clue What I'm Doing Right Now
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Do you know that meme of the dog sitting at the computer and it just says "I have no idea what I'm doing"? That's me. I'm that dog.

It's been a year since I graduated from the University of Maine, and I still have no idea what I am going to do with my life right now. I've already moved twice. I sent in an application for a radio broadcasting job for a collegiate summer league baseball team and got rejected. This had entry-level media job written all over it, and I still couldn't land it. What's it going to take to actually put my degree to use at this rate?

In all honesty, I don't think I have any control over my life right now.

I graduated on time. I now have 27 thousand dollars of student loan debt that I need to start paying off. I had to defer my payments.

The only jobs I'm qualified in are jobs in the restaurant industry, so what the everloving f*** was the point of saddling myself with this much debt when I have no way to pay it off?

Every time I think about it, the worse I make the problem, and the angrier I become. I contemplate going back to school for a new degree. Maybe I go for a similar degree in what I already have, just so I can bank on internships.

That there lies the problem. I start overthinking. I never allow myself to just sit back and relax. I don't know how to properly identify and communicate the anger and frustration I am feeling, so I come up with "fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants" plans.

I look at everyone I went to high school and college with, and they seem to have a grasp of what they are doing. They were able to find good jobs or get into graduate programs. Either that or they are living life to the fullest. I see it every day with my girlfriend when she goes off to a job she really loves.

And where am I? I'm stuck with no car, no license, and nowhere to go. All I have is time to get stuck in my own head

This leads me to think that I'm a loser who can't do anything right. Yeah, I have a degree, but who cares? A Bachelors degree these days is basically what a high school degree would have been back in the 1960s. In all honesty, I was probably better off going to trade school, or at the very least, getting a different degree. Maybe I could have joined the military to get the experience needed to get a job.

It's funny how a year can change someone on this particular issue. I wasn't worried about my life before. I just wanted to take some time to enjoy myself, really explore what there was outside of Connecticut. I was optimistic about my prospects. Now, I have one existential crisis after another, wondering if I made a mistake as far as my field goes.

Oh well, that's life, I suppose.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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