Most of my life I have been told that I needed to meet a boy or girl, become their friend, slowly turn it into a relationship, date them for at least two years before moving in with them, get engaged and get married. I have had advice shoved down my throat, even to the point where I have been told when I should say “I love you." Really?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE HOW TO LOVE!
The beautiful thing about love is that it's authentic, real and raw. Making rules and planning out how love is supposed to be, strips away the authenticity of the entire thing. Yes, sometimes you will need advice on how to approach things in your relationships and asking people who have been through the same thing can be helpful, but ultimately, just do you.
Who cares if you move in together two minutes after knowing each other. (Personally, I think that’s INSANE, but it’s not my relationship to judge.) Things that work for you may not necessarily work for others. What bothers me the most is happy couples who believe that because they are so in love, they know exactly how everyone else is supposed to love as well. That’s a bunch of bullshit if I must say so.
There are so many ways to show affection for each other. For me personally, I need physical attention and I need you to tell me you love me about 5,000 times a day. My boyfriend, on the other hand, he also wants the physical attention, but he doesn’t need me to tell him how much I love him all the time. It’s just not something HE needs. If you love everyone the way YOU want to be loved, well then, those people are going to suffer because they aren’t getting what THEY need out of the relationship they have with YOU, and it just turns into a selfish game.
So, what makes you think your friend is going to know anything about how YOUR boyfriend needs to be cared for?
Ask your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband what they think. Don’t ask your mother, sister, best friend or pastor if you should move in with someone or if you should tell someone you love them. You will never meet anyone that is going to be an expert on YOUR relationship. There are no rules.
If I would have listened to everyone’s advice on my current relationship, chances are we wouldn’t be together. He isn’t dating my friends, so he doesn’t need their love — he needs mine.
Like I said, what works for you doesn’t always work for the next person. So, while giving advice, try to not be controlling or all-knowing, because honestly, you probably don’t know shit.
