This article contains potentially triggering content, read at your own discretion.
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I could write a hundred articles on sexual trauma, on healing from it and on experiencing it. I love vocalizing for a population of people that needs it. There’s also the anger that’s deeply rooted in my body at the men who took advantage of me, there’s no doubt it feels good to let some of that out. There’s also something to be said about the power of healing trauma through the writing process, it has been a great tool for me at least. But what is at the root of my words is sadness, a deep aching sorrow. It comes from the little girl in me that was forced to hide in the recesses of my mind when the pool man closed himself in the maintenance closet with me and pulled down his pants.
That was the true first time I was targeted by sexual violence, I was five. My mom walked in before he could do anything more and reported him immediately. I think she was afraid that if the police didn’t come she would kill him for even thinking about touching me; I am so lucky for having a parent who has been so protective and supportive of me during all of my experiences. However that is not always the case, if you see possible neglect in your family or friends families speak up in as gentle of a way as you can. Don’t just accept it as normal, or part of the holidays any more. It is time that we speak up in all outlets for each other and ourselves. As I’ve said before, our spaces need to transform from atmospheres that are less comfortable or safe for people healing from sexual trauma to a place of support.
Originally this article series was going to be me trying to convey ways to heal from sexual trauma to an audience I thought might be able to use it. I, however, did not realize how much more healing I needed to do and writing this kind of kicked me on my ass. I’ve been deeply humbled by this process and only have a few things left to say.
If there was one emotion I could live without it would be shame. If you feel any shame about yourself attempt to disregard it, it no longer serves you in your healing process if you don’t want it to. Remember that we are one billion times more amazing than we often allow ourselves believe, and because of that we have all the tools we need to heal. We are powerful, beautiful and awe-inspiring creatures, when we let ourselves be or when we can reach that side of our beings. From my trauma to yours I hold a deep sorrow, and anger, but I also hold a great hope in our ability to transform and recreate our world, remember that and if you can, stand in solidarity with me against sexual violence.
