If anyone out there is looking for a way to waste all of the money in your bank account while sitting on your couch watching "Modern Family," ONLINE SHOPPING IS FOR YOU.
One minute you're searching for a pair of earrings to match your new necklace, and the next thing you know, it's 2 a.m. and your orders will ship in 5 to 7 business days.
There goes your paycheck.
It's OK because after the instant, overwhelming feeling of buyers remorse, you'll begin to internally rationalize with yourself. That skirt was on sale and there's no sense in buying a skirt without knowing you have a top, shoes, and purse to complete the outfit.
Suddenly, you're not feeling so terrible about the recent purchases and now you're looking forward to the delivery. 5 to 7 days! WOO-HOO! Now that that's off your mind, you start to wonder why you have that bottle of laundry detergent sitting at your feet.
LAUNDRY!
The laundry you left in the dryer six hour ago is wrinkled and the load in the washer will, without a doubt, have a peculiar smell. There is only one answer. Turn on the dryer to "de-wrinkle" and toss an extra Bounce sheet with the peculiar smelly stuff. Now that you've got that under control, it's time for bed. 2:37 a.m.
Panic suddenly takes over. If you forgot the laundry what else did you forget? You never did take that paycheck to the bank, pick up toilet paper, or get gas after you convinced yourself that today just wasn't a "gym day."
You decide as long as you don't have to pee until you wake up and run to the store (or, after you get gas and run to the bank, because you did order $300 worth of discount clothing last night online shopping), everything will be fine.
Dammit. You have to pee, you thought about it too long and now you have to pee.
Paper towels? Nobody can ever know about this.
Well, since I'm still up, I might as well put this sudden burst of energy to use and fold those clothes from the dryer.
3:17 a.m.
Boy, time flew today, you think, as you slowly start to panic counting the hours you have to sleep until your 7 a.m alarm goes off.
Now you're pissed.
You're wide awake, but exhausted, less than four hours of sleep left on the clock and you realize you should have just gone to the gym.
Maybe a piece of that chocolate cake will cheer you up. You know, that cake you made yourself, instead of going to the gym because you're on your period and you deserve that chocolate cake.
EVERY TIME.
Every time you have a day off or a few hours of free time, you realize that nothing gets accomplished. That to-do list will still be hanging on the fridge, mocking you, in the morning.
That's when you realize, you get more done on your busiest days then you do on those days when you have a day off and a whole list of chores. That's it, you decide, no more personal days.
