"What's green and fuzzy and can kill you if it falls out of a tree?" "A pool table!"

I'm a big kid. I'm sort of a weirdo. I am a silly young adult. I don't mind embarrassing myself in public. I write songs about myelinated axons and rap about therapy. I have a Freud mug in a car named Freud. I send people customized messages on potatoes. I was a dancing pickle for Halloween. People call me "Pickle Girl." I'm quirky, dorky, and nerdy. I love having fun, and I love making others laugh - so sue me.

Seriously, though, why is it frowned upon to make others smile? You see, my life hasn't been exactly the easiest. I developed my odd sense of humor as a really effective, healthy coping mechanism. I believe in the power of laughter. That pain in your stomach you get from laughing so hard is actually proven to be therapeutic! Smiling in itself is an act that releases dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter that produces feelings of happiness. So if smiling is chemically proven to cheer people up, then I can only imagine the psychological/biological impact of laughing.

Working with kids has really brought out this part of me. I know the kind of things that kids find funny and I've become so accustomed to those jokes that I tend to take them out of the classroom. I realize now that the reinforcement they've given me in laughing at my silliness has been a positive thing for me. It made me feel "Hey I'm funny!" And I also recognize that not everyone understands my sense of humor - maybe it's "too childish." Well, it's not too childish for the children I work with, so you can blame them. I fit right in, and our connection is mutual. The reason I started to refer to myself as being a "professional goofball" is because that's literally what I do - I get paid to be a dork.

Please forgive me for actively increasing dopamine in the brains of myself and others. Please forgive me for trying to make the most out of life and have fun so that others will follow along the path of optimism with me. Laughing myself feels great, and making others laugh feels even better. So, forgive me, but I'm not apologizing for that.

Here's the thing that people tend to misunderstand: My silliness does not mean I'm dumb, stupid, psychotic, underdeveloped, irresponsible, or untrustworthy. I, for one, am an intelligent, passionate, trustworthy young lady who is unhealthily empathetic. I don't force someone to laugh if they feel they need to cry. I recognize that emotions have certain needs at certain times. But I'm able to have serious talks with people about those serious feelings. I'm able to listen to my friends vent for hours at a time without trying to "lighten up the moment." I HATE invalidation, and I'd never use my sense of humor to take away the validation and respect everyone deserves.

I'm not immature. In fact, I'm more emotionally mature than I should be for my age because of the things I've gone through. I've had no choice but to be mature in those areas for that reason. I'm naive in the same ways every other 19-year-old is. I'm not going to break out in laughter in my college bio class during the reproduction unit. I'm not going to start rumors about people I don't like because I feel inadequate. I don't do anything illegal. I'm not doing any weird thing that a traditional middle schooler would do to fit in or get attention. I'm in tune with my own emotions and others. I'm a good communicator. Please don't assume that just because I tend to have the sense of humor of an elementary schooler that I act like one in all other areas.

The truth is, I'd rather be weird than boring. It's my fun, goofball personality that got me the friends I have today. People will judge. You can call me names all you want - condemn me, go ahead. Call me an idiot for trying to make someone else forget about their internal frustrations for a little while. Call me psychotic for being silly to make someone else laugh. The reality is, I LOVE my goofball personality. It's my nerdy, bold, random, and silly qualities that make me unique. There is no shame in those quirks, no matter what anyone says.

I am proud to be a professional goofball!